Poison and Wine
by Iamtwilightobsessed-MP
Summary: What happens when Imprinting is not as infallible as everyone thought?  Very OOC, Everything has been twisted.  Rated M Language, Sexual Content. Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the  property of their respective ownersNo copyright infringement is intended.
1. Ch1 Poison and Wine

_You only know what I want you to…_

_I know everything you don't want me to_

_Oh your mouth is poison; your mouth is wine…_

_Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine._

_Oh I don't love you but I always will._

_**Poison and Wine: The Civil Wars**_

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><p><strong>CH.1 Poison and Wine <strong>

Pulling into the parking lot, I looked at the familiar building; the cars that belonged to people I once considered my closest friends, my family and wondered what the hell I was thinking coming back here. _Charlie that's why I was back_ I reminded myself. _I can do this; I will do this for Charlie._

I stepped out of my car feeling the cool air that only Washington in May can offer and took the first step towards my past, each step feeling heavier and more ominous than the last. _Deep Breaths, Bella_.

Walking up the steps that would take me to a room full of people I vowed never to see again felt like some kind of cruel time warp as memories from a different life assaulted me.

I opened the door and quickly took the first seat I could find. Charlie stood tall and proud, the smile on his face letting me know he was happy and for that, I was thankful. They knew I was here. I could feel their eyes on me. I could almost hear the too quiet murmurs alerting each other of my presence. I wanted to blend in, I wanted to go unnoticed, but then again, I had wanted a lot of things that I didn't get and I knew this would be no different.

Charlie must have spotted me. His face lit up and a part of me felt guilty for wanting to be anywhere but here. The other part of me felt sick knowing his acknowledgement surely meant everyone else's too. _Let this day end so I can leave,_ I begged to no one.

Charlie was the epitome of happiness as he watched his bride walk down the aisle. Sue Clearwater was escorted by her son, Seth. He had changed from a boy to a man I barely recognized. When Sue reached Charlie, Seth sweetly kissed her cheek and shook Charlie's hand joining Jacob who stood at my father's side.

I listened as Billy spoke first in Quileute then English, I watched as Old Quil offered the Spirit's Blessing and I smiled when Billy announced the new Mr. and Mrs. Charles Swan.

I held my breath as Charlie and Sue made their way up the aisle together followed by Jacob and Seth, then Billy and Old Quil. I kept my expression even as Leah, Emily, and a slightly older Claire followed behind. I squared my shoulders and lifted my head in defiance when it was my turn, to exit the room that was quickly closing in on me.

I made my way to the reception and found myself a seat at the bar. "Jack and Coke." I took sips of my watered down drink, trying to ignore the multiple sets of eyes I could feel on me.

"Come here often?" I heard from a voice I didn't recognize.

I turned my head to see Seth, the boy who was now a man and my new brother. "You grew up," I said looking at him.

"So did you," he said looking at me in a way brothers should not look at their sisters, step or otherwise.

"You eye fucking me?" I asked quirking my brow.

"Nah just noticing what's in front of me?" he grinned. "Come on Mom and Charlie are walking in," he told me helping me from my stool.

_This is it Bella_, I thought as I let him drag me across the room to congratulate my father and new step mother.

"I'm really happy for you both," I told my dad as I gave him a hug and Sue an awkward one armed, 'I don't really know you' kind of hug.

"Thanks kiddo," Charlie said blushing.

"We'd love it if you could stay I know your dad misses you," Sue said with a kind smile.

"I know but I have to get back to work, we're short staffed," I gave her the feeble excuse I had come up with.

"Maybe you could come down for Christmas," she suggested.

"I'll try," I lied.

"You should stay longer, Charlie misses you a lot,." Seth said.

"He can always come visit me," I replied, not wanting to talk about this.

"Come on Bella it's been over three years."

"Seth, don't… just don't," I told him, not liking the direction this was going.

I could feel _his_ eyes on me, watching, daring me to turn around. He still made me feel as if I'd caught fire, he had always had that effect on me. _His_ own special kind of burn, it could make you tremble with yearning, blaze with desire or leave you a pile of smoldering ashes. He burned you from the outside, in.

Seth and I stood, as several minutes of awkward silence passed before he commented, "They're going to be seating us for dinner."

I took my place next to Charlie, who sat beside Sue with Leah, and then Seth next to her. Thankfully, I was on the end so no one would be next to me. _Thank god for small favors I thought._

Dinner passed and the D.J announced it was time for the bride and groom to dance. I almost laughed seeing Charlie's look of fear as he escorted Sue to the middle of the dance floor.

"Are you really leaving tomorrow?" Seth asked me.

"I have to get back to work," I told him.

"Come on Bella, you haven't been here in three years. You can't stay for more than just one day?" he questioned.

"Seth, please just drop it." I replied as I stood so I could make my way to the bar.

I ordered another Jack and Coke disappointed that it was too watered down to achieve the desired effect, absolute numbness.

"You're not going to talk to any of us?" I heard the voice of my former best friend ask.

"Jake."

"It's been a long time Bells," he said.

"Not long enough," I replied looking into my almost empty glass, I stood, "Excuse me." I weaved my way through the crowd back to the table willing this night to end, so I could leave and drink myself into mind numbing memory erasing bliss.

"Bells I miss you," Charlie said unusually emotional as he turned to talk to me.

"I miss you too dad," I told him and I did.

"Then move back," he begged.

"I… can't. I have an apartment and a job, dad my life is not in Forks," I told him.

"It could be, you could finish school and teach her. Hell, you could teach here on the rez. You could stay with Sue and I or find an apartment here."

"Dad, please don't. I'm good where I am," I pleaded.

"Bella…"

"I love you and I miss you but I'm not moving back," I responded.

"Bells just think about it," he demanded.

"I'm going to get a drink," I barked as I stepped away to avoid the argument I could feel coming. I walked to the bar.

"Jack and Coke?" The bartender asked remembering my earlier order.

"Just Jack," he quirked his brow but poured the shot anyway. I did a good job of downing it in one gulp.

Hell, I didn't even wince as it went down.

I pulled out my phone and called a cab, knowing that even though I was far from drunk I still should not drive.

"Dad, I'm going to go, but I'll see you in the morning," I offered as I hugged him goodnight.

"Bells don't go, just listen to me. Honey, it's time to come home," he tried once again.

"Dad, I love you but this is not my home and I'm not having this conversation," I told him. I was too exhausted to deal with this. Today had drained me in ways I never knew was possible. I could feel that tightly wound control I prided myself on slipping.

"You have to stop running at some point Bella, he's been waiting for you to come back, to accept your fate," Charlie exclaimed causing me to whip my head around.

"Excuse me?" I said a mix of alcohol and anger.

"Uh… Bells… it's time, it's past time. I know about the imprint and well… you've had enough time to accept it." My father insisted. I could feel the heat from the burned out soul I walked around with flow through me like lava.

I looked around the room, seeing their faces for the first time in years and felt nothing but red-hot rage course through me.

"Is that what they told you? That I didn't accept the imprint?" I asked.

"Uh… well…" Charlie started to say but was cut off by Leah stomping up and glaring at me.

"You selfish bitch, you are ruining the reception," she hissed.

That thread of control snapped.

I glared at her. "Fuck Off! Every single one of you motherfuckers heard me getting the inquisition. **YOU** could have put a stop to it, but no; just like the goddamn cowards you are, you didn't. And can you believe that I thought you'd done all the damage you could three years ago. Well fuck me running the hits keep coming," I sneered as I looked around the room.

My eyes fastened on his. "Oh I accepted the imprint, didn't I baby." I looked straight into the eyes of the man who ripped me apart. "I learned a lesson, a big one. Loving someone and making love to them isn't the same thing as loving someone and getting fucked."

I paused, taking a deep breath. "There's nothing quite like walking in on your forever, your future and seeing it crumble before your eyes. I learned a couple of things that day, lesson number one you can actually live when your heart and soul have been ripped from your body. Lesson number two, the people you think would never betray you, do. Alpha orders can keep big secrets. Lesson number three, all the bullshit that's uttered about being a part of the pack, one big family is a lie. What it really means is pack is pack and they come before everything else. And the biggest lesson of all I just learned here tonight. Trust absolutely fucking no one, because even your own father will believe you're a cold hearted, selfish bitch with the right motivation." I turned and walked out.

_I knew I shouldn't have fucking come here_. I thought as I waited for my cab in the damp May air. The cab arrived quickly smelling of smoke. Even though I had never smoked a day in my life, I wanted one. I wanted anything that would take the taste of betrayal out of my mouth.

"Where to sugar," the cabbie asked.

"The bar," I responded, settling back in my seat and waiting. The ride was short and soon I handed the driver a twenty and walked into the only bar in Forks.

I passed the bartender a folded hundred dollar bill, "This is yours if you keep the liquor coming and call me a cab at last call."

"You got it sugar," he said winking. "What's your poison?"

"Jack."

I sat with a never empty shot glass trying to remember what it was like before I moved to this fucking rainy town. Before I knew monsters existed that didn't kill you, they only made you wish they had.

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><p><strong>Beta<strong>: The Fabulous Feebes


	2. Chapter 2 How About You

_It hurts me that you're not ashamed__  
><em>_Of what you're doing here_

_It doesn't matter what you do__  
><em>_I sold my soul to get here__  
><em>_How 'bout you?_

_**_** Staind: **_How about You by**_

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><p><strong>CH.2 How About You<strong>

The sun streaming in through the window heating my face was not the good morning I wanted. Neither was the headache or the feel of dried cotton in my mouth.

I forced myself to sit up; and looked around the bland hotel room. I could see it was much later than it should be, for me to catch my flight. The red numbers on the alarm clock, mocked me. _11:46_

I knew I shouldn't have come back here. This town is like The Black Hole; it sucks you in and never lets you out. I called the airline to change my flight, since clearly I am not on the one that took off two hours ago.

A week, I am going to be stuck here a week. I waited outside for the cab to take me to my deserted rental car; the dark shades I wore did nothing against the sun that I was convinced conspired with the alarm clock to make me miserable.

Where the hell did the sun come from anyway, this is fucking Forks; it's never sunny.

The cab ride was short, I watched Mr. Smellslikeshit drive away before I turned to my deserted car. I was almost to the car door when I felt his eyes on me.

"What do you want?"

"Talk to me, please."

I hated that the sound of his voice felt like a favorite blanket you wrap yourself in.

I wanted to say no, jump in my rental and speed all the way back to my shitty motel room, and drink myself numb again, yes a good bender was in my future. Instead, I turned around and looked at him.

He was still as beautiful as ever he always was. Tall and muscular, his skin glowed under the sun. He looks like a bronzed angel, ethereal and otherworldly and if it weren't for the fact that I know firsthand that he is Satan disguised with a hard body and a panty dropping smile, I might actually think he was one.

"There is nothing I want to say that I haven't already; and nothing you can say that I want to hear." I looked at the man in front of me.

"Give me a chance to earn your forgiveness, Bella please it's been three years."

I will do anything you want, just please give me another chance." He pleaded, and it almost sounded like he meant it, but I knew better. He almost sounded like he meant it the first time he begged for another chance. _Always another chance, just one more. _

"Tell me how many women have been in your bed, this week?" I asked.

"Bella, please."

"Answer me." I yelled, knowing the answer was going to hurt me but I consoled myself knowing I would be with Jack later and he always made me feel better.

"That's what I thought." I told him, seeing the answer in his eyes. Oh, I may not know if it's one or five but I know that it's not zero.

I opened the car door, still feeling his eyes on me, and slid behind the wheel.

I couldn't help but think about the last time I drove away from here, so much was the same, and yet it was all different.

"I'm not the only one who wants you to stay. You have family here, friends." He told me, a hint of desperation leaking into his voice.

"No they're your friends, your family that was made clear three years ago," I remarked before driving away. I watched him through the rearview mirror, standing there as I backed out of the parking lot.

I made my way down the road that is as familiar to me as my own name. The smell of salt in the air from First Beach wafting in through my open car window; I could almost hear the waves crash into the cliffs. It's was all too much and my thoughts went back to a place I didn't want to visit. Suddenly, I'm forced to slam on my brakes so I don't hit the stupid wolf standing in the middle of the road.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled jumping out of my car as the wolf disappears. I waited as he phased back and walked out of the trees.

"You missed your flight."

"I'm on the next one, no worries." I lie; being here makes my skin crawl. Not wanting to talk, I climbed back in the car and quickly drove away. Looking through the rearview mirror, I could still see him standing in the road and I wondered how long it will be before he or Charlie realizes I will be here in the morning and the next several after that. It's a thought I quickly shake away.

I stopped at the diner to grab some lunch; I had just placed my order when I heard someone call my name.

"Bella?"

I turn around to see Angela Weber, older, prettier, and smiling at me.

"Angela, you look fantastic."

"So do you, are you back?" She asks.

"No, just for a week. I was actually supposed to leave this morning but I missed my flight. How have you been?" I confessed, not wanting to think about the week ahead of me.

"I just moved back, I'm the new science teacher at Forks."

"That's great, how do you like it?"

"High school is much better when you're not the one going through it." She laughed.

"Where are you living now? The last I heard you were in school in Seattle, English major right?"

"I was; I've been in California about six months now." I offer up trying not to give too many details. I didn't really want to talk about school or anything personal with so many of Fork's finest listening in.

The great thing about Angela Weber, she never pressed for details, and she was incredibly perceptive. _Thank God, I thought._

"Are you busy tonight? Ben and I are going to Port Angeles to a new club they just opened. It's supposed to have great live music." She invited me hopeful expression.

"Yeah, actually that sounds great. Here's my cell give me a call later with the time."

I told her knowing I could meet Jack in Port Angeles just as easy as I could here in my bland, stale motel room.

I grabbed my to-go order and headed to my car, jumped in and made the short drive back to the motel. I flipped the light on, noting my motel room is just as dingy under the harsh fluorescent bulb as it is in the dark. I laughed watching an old episode of Springer, his 'guests' always make me feel better about my life.

I scarfed down my burger letting it soak up the alcohol that was left swimming in my system.

I hopped in the shower, dried off, and started getting ready for my date with Jack.

I stood looking at myself in the mirror, happy I had the thought to pack my fuck-me dress and heels. The three years I had been gone had served me well even I knew that. I had grown into my body, the clumsiness fading as I entered my 20's, my breast and ass were both fuller and rounder, my waist more defined. I was what most would consider pretty, maybe even sexy.

I stood analyzing myself, my eyes were smoky, my lips red. My hair hung in loose waves down my back, and I wore a strapless black fitted dress that ended just above my knee and the cherry on top or bottom in this case, were a glossy pair of peep toe Jimmy Choo stilettos. My 21st birthday present to myself. _Who'd of thunk it, Bella Swan in a pair of Jimmy's,_ I laughed.

I grabbed my wrap and clutch and headed outside to my waiting cab, I knew better than to drive, I had a date with Jack.

It didn't take long to get there and before I knew it, the cabbie was pulling up to the curb. I got out of the cab, spotting Angela and made my way to her.

"Wow, Bella you look amazing." Angela gushed.

"So do you." I told her giving her a hug.

"Shall we." She motioned to the entrance.

We walked inside. It was a typical club. Big bar, dance floor and too many people but the band sounded fantastic. We made our way to the bar where I got a tumbler of my dear friend, and lover.

"Ben's going to meet us later, he had to work late." Angela told me. I nodded to let her know I had heard; the music was too loud to really talk over. We managed to find an open table along the wall and took a seat to catch up the best we could with the music and the crowd fighting to be heard over one another.

"So you and Ben, still going strong?" I asked.

"We broke up briefly in college but found our way back to each other, we're engaged." She squealed showing me her ring.

"It's beautiful, congratulations." I told her and honestly meant it.

"Thank you. How about you?"

"No one special right now." I replied, her leaving out the whole heart breaking, soul-burning story.

"I heard your dad got married yesterday."

"Yes he married Sue Clearwater from La Push; I have a new sister and brother." I told her not bothering to hide my distaste particularly with the sister I acquired.

"Congratulations." She laughed.

I could feel their eyes the second they entered the club. No it wasn't him, but they were here. That took longer than I thought it would. It really did feel like being a lamb in the wolves den.

"Ben!" Angela nearly squealed as he walked up.

Ben reached our table, and gave Angela a quick kiss, "Hey beautiful." He whispered in her ear. Then he turned smiling at me, "Hi Bella, long time, no see."

"You too Ben, I hear congratulations is in order." I smiled, and gave him a hug.

"Thank you." He beamed. He looked at Angela and held out his hand, "shall we beautiful?"

"Bella are you sure you don't mind?" Angela asked as she stood and took Ben's hand, ready to dance.

"Not at all." I assured her knowing it wouldn't be long until someone joined me.

I managed to signal to the cocktail waitress to bring me another drink, as I swiveled the amber liquid in my glass. I lifted it to my mouth and slung back the last few drops of therapy it offered. I could already feel the heat from the approaching wolf and wondered which one had drawn the short stick.

The waitress quickly returned with my new tumbler full of the only man, I trusted.

"Bella." I heard from behind me.

Ah, strategic move I will have to give them credit for that. They sent the 'nice' wolf first.

"Embry..."

He came around the table pulling the chair out and taking Angela's previous position across from me.

"Draw the short straw did you?" I quirked my brow at him.

"I never thought I'd see the day Bella Swan could throw back whiskey like it was water." He watched me take a drink.

"Things change." I shrugged my shoulders. "Are we really going to go through with small talk?" I asked.

"Is there any other kind?" He quipped, searching my face, for what I wasn't sure.

"There always is, so is this a coincidence or am I being followed?"

"I'll just say that we knew you were here."

I'll give him a point for honesty. "Who's with you?" I asked.

"Seth and Quil."

Ah… very smart move indeed sending the three wolves I was closest too, aside from Jake of course.

I stood taking the last mouthful of Jack, watching as Embry ran his eyes over me from head to toe. They lingered just a minute longer than appropriate on my legs.

"The least you can do is dance with me." I told him as I walked towards the dance floor. I didn't wait for an answer.

I turned around knowing he was there, the body heat fanned out around them.

I hooked my fingers in his belt loops and pulled him to me.

"Dance Embry not stand." I complained, as I moved my hips against him.

"Uhh, um Bella, I don't think this is a good idea." He said looking almost scared.

"You followed me to a dance club, what the fuck did you think I was going to do here?" I asked throwing my arms around his neck.

"B-but you don't dance." He stuttered.

"Really? It seems like I do." I smirked, turning around and pressing my ass into him.

If they thought they could intimidate me or talk me into something, they had another thing coming. Embry stood stiff as a board through the entire song, while I danced and swayed, grinding against him like I would if we were lovers.

I could feel him harden against my back; I knew he didn't mean to, his body betrayed him; still I took pleasure knowing I had the upper hand. When the last note played, I turned to look at him.

"You'll have to try harder than that." I informed him smirking at the double meaning, as I walked towards the bar. I stopped just close enough to Quil and Seth to hopefully make it easier to hear what they were saying.

Embry rejoined them at the end of the bar. I watched the three of them through the mirror behind the bottles of liquor. Between the watching and the listening, I could make out some of what they were saying.

"What the hell?" I saw more than heard Quil ask him.

"I don't know, she… I don't think this is going to work." Embry said looking a little flustered.

_Strike One._

Must be Quil's turn I thought as I saw him approaching.

"Buy you a drink?" He asked standing too close to me.

"Sure."

Quil motioned for the bartender who quickly gave me a new tumbler full of my favorite man.

"Embry struck out, so you're up to bat is that how this is going to play out?" I asked looking at him for the first time.

"You're looking good Bella," he complimented, with his signature smile.

_Ah so that's his move._

"Thanks Quil, you look good yourself." I told him. I looked him up and down like a piece of meat, making sure to lick my lips. I smirked when I made it back to his face. I saw him swallow but I didn't say anything.

"So tell me Quil what do you want? I mean we both know despite your cockiness and your wandering eyes you're not here to make a play on me."

I lowered my voice, walking my fingers up the center of his tight t-shirt. "Or are you?"

I could see his cockiness fade away as he paled just enough to let me know I'd gotten to him.

"That is not Bella Swan." I heard him gripe as he stood in front of both Embry and Seth, shaking his head in defeat.

_Strike Two._

"She played you two. She grinded on Em making him blush, and act like a 12 year old, she barely touched you and had you running back over here tail between your legs. It's a fucking game, dip shits." Seth told them, and I fought hard not to laugh.

"Oh and you think you can do better?" Embry challenged.

Game on little brother, I thought.

I pretended not to notice Seth walking over to me. I let him make the first move in our little game of strategy.

From the corner of my eye, I could see him checking me out. His gaze lingered on my ass.

"Batter up." I teased looking at him with a smile. He grinned in return.

"You're ass looks edible in that dress," he said as he sat down on a bar stool his long legs straight out in front of him, a beer in one hand as he looked at me.

I stepped in between his legs, giving him a good once over pausing at the good parts as I took his beer and took a long pull from the bottle never breaking eye contact. "This is all very Flowers in the Attic, don't you think?" I asked, licking the taste of beer from my lips.

"We don't share blood," he deadpanned. He took his beer back, and quirked his brow at me.

"Mmm you're right." I murmured leaning into him, my face just inches from his.

"Does the pack mind still work the same?" I asked.

"Yeah" he answered looking confused.

I put one hand on his leg, and gripped his hair with the other. I tilted his head just slightly and leaned in close to his ear making sure my breath fanned over him. I slid my hand up his leg, and ran my finger over the seam of his jeans that hugged the inside of his muscular thigh. I could almost hear his heart rate pick up and his breath catch as my hand settled just beside his dick.

"Mmm…," I moaned into his ear licking the shell and sucking on his lobe as I let my hand move over his extremely hard cock, my finger tracing the seam of his head.

"Be sure to share the memory of my hand skating up your thigh, my touch on your dick, my tongue tasting your skin because that is the closest **HE** will ever get to touching me again." I whispered.

I pulled back satisfied with the look on his face; I downed the rest of his beer, turned, and walked away.

_Strike Three, you're out._

I found Angela and Ben quickly telling them I needed to get going but to call about getting together for lunch before I left town.

Seth, Quil and Embry were still sitting at the bar looking a little worse for wear, I made my way over to where they were, stopping to stand in front of them. "It was smart in a way, sending you three; you were after all my favorite wolves, my closest friends. That's why it hurts so much that you came, I expected more from you."

I walked out the door before they could say anything, before they could see just how badly it really did hurt.

**Beta: Feebes86. You Rock!**


	3. Chapter 3 Didn't I

_ I gave it all__  
><em>_ And I meant every word I said__  
><em>_ I thought we could fly_

_And now I'm faced with the reality_

_ There's no escaping from the pain of you and I_

_Don't make me justify your every move__  
><em>

_Don't want to have to question everything you do__  
><em>_ Don't play the victim cause the blames on you__  
><em>

_**Cheryl Cole-Didn't I**_

* * *

><p><strong>CH.3 Didn't I<strong>

I opened one eye and then the other; someone was banging on the door of my motel room. If there was a wolf on the other side of the door, I swear I was going to go to Newton's to buy a shotgun. Opening the door, I found Charlie standing awkwardly just looking at me.

"Jesus, Bells, you're in your underwear," he mumbled turning red.

"Pajamas dad, I'm wearing pajamas," I huffed, rolling my eyes as he shoved past me.

"Won't you come in?"

"Bella, I thought you were leaving yesterday."

"I missed my flight; I'm on the next one out," I replied. I left out the part where my escape was still days away.

"Come to dinner tonight."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Dad." I shuddered as I envisioned the hundreds of ways dinner would end in death.

"Bells… I've missed you," Charlie sighed. I could hear the emotion in his voice. I knew I wouldn't be able to tell him no, I also knew the night would end in disaster.

"What time, and where?"

"Six, Sue's house, or well I guess it's our house," he blushed.

"I'll be there," I reluctantly promised.

"Great," Charlie left before I could change my mind. I watched from the window of my dingy room as he drove away. And then the dread started settling in the pit of my stomach.

I walked into the bathroom and threw myself under the lukewarm spray of the shower. It was time to get myself ready to face the day.

Thirty minutes later, I was headed to Port Angeles to do some shopping. I needed to buy a few things to hold me over while I was stuck in this god-forsaken town. I only bought what I needed but I splurged at the bookstore. As I fingered the spines of the books, I traced Shakespeare's name and couldn't help but remember the way I once romanticized his words.

There were times, I wished I could go back to the naive teenager I was, when I thought Romeo and Juliet died a noble death. When I believed dying for love was romantic. Then I remembered every tear I ever cried for love, and am reminded that it is not romantic or noble, it's painful and full of deceit and betrayal. I brought myself out of those thoughts, quickly.

I killed a few hours reading at a café and drinking too much coffee. At least it let my mind escape into the pages of text instead of my reality. When I couldn't put it off any longer, I headed back to Forks. It was time to get ready for the dinner from hell, I was positive would be taking place.

I pulled on a pair of straight leg Levis, a fitted white button up, and my beloved black boots. I applied a little mascara and my cherry red lip stain, and gathered my hair in a high ponytail. Looking in the mirror, satisfied with my look, I turned to leave, unwilling to put forth any more effort.

I climbed behind the wheel of my rented car, and headed to the one place that used to bring me comfort. I pulled into the driveway, took a deep breath and steeled myself for whatever was going to happen. I made my way up the steps and to the door.

Before I could knock, Sue was there, opening the door and motioning for me to come in. "Bella, I'm so glad you came," Sue greeted. Her voice was cheerful, but her eyes shown with fear.

Walking into the house, I was met with Charlie's nervous smile, Seth's' embarrassed nod, and Leah looking like a caged beast. _Let the family bonding begin,_ I thought sarcastically.

"Thank you, Bella," Sue smiled politely as I handed her the bottle of wine I brought. I discretely patted the side of my purse where my flask of Jack awaited; I needed to remind myself that he had not deserted me.

"Dinner will be ready in just a few moments," Sue informed us, as she stepped to Charlie's side.

I heard the door open a second before I felt _**his**_ stare. I looked at Charlie who refused to meet my eyes, and then to Sue who looked to be pleading with me.

"NO!" I yelled. I turned around and headed to the door. It was time to get the fuck out of here. I took a couple of steps only to find my way blocked by the rest of the pack and their imprints.

I turned back around looking at my father, he may not know what happened, but I'd told him enough that he should have known better. The heavy weight of betrayal crashed on my shoulders as I stared at him in disbelief.

I didn't say a word as I made my way through the bodies of the pack and out the door. I got in my car only to discover it wouldn't start. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know those motherfuckers had done something to my car, forcing me to stay.

The rage consumed me so thickly that if I had possessed a single drop of Quileute blood, I was sure I would have phased on the spot. I made my way back inside the house looking at everyone who were now looking anywhere, but at me.

"Did you want an intervention? Is that what this is about?" I snarled.

"Bella…"

"_**You**_ don't fucking say my name. _**You**_ don't even get to look at me," I roared.

"Bells, I… it's time to come home," Charlie stuttered. He took the final step and looked at me. I could see shock cross his features as he took in depth of my anger.

"You want an intervention? Let's have one. I'll go first. Tell me Dad, what exactly do you know?" I asked, looking at my father. I used to think he was the only man incapable of hurting me.

"Bells… I just want you to be happy. He loves you, the two of you could have a good life here, and this is your home." Charlie pleaded.

"Tell me what excuse did they give you, when I left?"

When he didn't speak, I looked at Sue, who stood silent by his side; just like everyone else.

"Since this tribe is so fond of storytelling, how about I tell everyone my story?" I mocked, looking at the key players.

"Bella, please…" Sue begged.

I made my way over to Quil and Embry who stood beside Seth. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the way the three of them gulped and shifted uncomfortably.

I ran my hand over Quil's chest, slipping my fingers through the buttons of his shirt, just barely touching but still enough to make him close his eyes. "Always the player huh Quil?" I continued my journey across his massive chest, letting the pads of my fingertips caress his cheek. I left from his side, satisfied with his sheepish look.

I walked over to Embry and looked up at him. He always was handsome even before he phased. "Did you know I had a crush on you, years ago? I thought you were so handsome." I confessed. I watched as his eyes darted around the room, until they finally landed on mine.

"Of course this was before werewolves and imprinting," I explained as I stood on my tiptoes and brushed my lips across his; it was just enough to make a point. I could hear faint growls coming from _**him**_from where he stood across the room.

"**BELLA**!" Charlie shouted.

"No daddy, you wanted an intervention so you're getting one. I've heard all their stories. It's time to share mine. It's only fair… right?" I asked, glancing at Sue. She looked panicked. _Good,_I thought_._

I looked back at Embry and continued, "You were so sweet and shy, strong and just so good. I always thought that whoever you ended up with would be really lucky." I continued my confession. "I see that time changes everything."

I thought back to the 16-year-old kid I met in Jake's garage, the kid who blushed and shoved his hands in his pockets when he met me.

"Tell me… whose idea was it to send these three to Port Angeles?" I asked, making my way to Seth.

I could see Leah from the corner of my eye moving forward slowly, her face was filled with hate and rage. _We match,_ I thought almost laughing out loud.

"It was a good idea; after all I was closest to them," I admitted. "Did you pick them specifically for that reason?"

_**His**_ growling was getting louder as I touched his pack brothers.

"Oh, is this a problem? Don't you like seeing my hands on another man, or is it that you think of them as friends or maybe family?" I sneered, giving _**Him**_ a once over as I let my hands wander over Embry, then to Seth.

"Did you tell them to flirt with me or did they come up with that strategy all on their own? I mean, what did you want to happen? Quil's imprinted… well… I guess that doesn't really matter, now does it?" I shrugged, before settling myself between Embry and Seth.

"Poor Embry here wouldn't even dance with me, he just stood there… all stiff, didn't you Em? Of course some parts of him were stiffer than others." I moved from Embry to Seth. I reached up and twisted my fingers in the hair on the back of Seth's neck before saying, "Seth on the other hand… yeah… he has skills, don't you, Little Brother? Well… you're not so little after all, are you Seth?" I winked at him, smirking as I skirted my hand over his thigh.

"You bitch." Leah snarled as she reached out to grab me. Before she could do anything, I took the palm of my hand and planted it under her nose; I pushed up, hearing the satisfying crack of bone. Before she could recover, I slipped my hand under her shoulder, took my other arm, and flipped her on the ground. The whole maneuver only took a second or two.

I leaned down close to her ear, and sneered lowly, just loud enough to guarantee the wolves would hear. "Come at me again bitch and I'll fuck him just so you have to watch when he phases."

I stood back up to see the shocked faces of everyone, _Yeah I'm not the little girl_ _that left,_ I thought. It pleased me to look at all their wide eyes and slacked jaws.

"Now, where were we? Oh yes… story time." I said looking around at the group.

I was exhausted, having to defend myself to the people who were supposed to know me.

"Actually I don't owe a single one of you a damn thing."

I walked outside and pulled out my cell. I called Dowling's Auto, Jake's competition, and arranged for my rental to be towed. Then I looked down the road and realized I could almost see the beach from where I was standing. I knew it would be a couple of hours before Dowling's showed up, so I walked down to the beach not having anywhere else to go.

I sat in the sand just looking out at the waves trying to remember what life used to be like; before I stumbled into a sleepy little town that held more secrets than a confessional.

Before long I could feel heat behind me, letting me know that one of them had followed me and I was not in the mood.

"Leave."

"What did they do to you?" The question was asked from behind me.

I stood, brushing the sand from my jeans, "What? Are you trying to be my sister now?" I asked. My voice sounded cold even to my ears.

"No, but I recognized the look in your eyes before you walked out. I know that look; I see it every day when I look at myself in the mirror. What did they do?" She asked again.

"It doesn't matter what they did, just that they did it. Every single one of them is guilty in one way or another."

I made my way back towards the road. I could feel her following, but at least she wasn't talking.

The screeching of tires grabbed my attention. "Shit!" I yelled, seeing the car as it swerved out of control. It was headed straight for a small family. Three people who looked like they had been at the beach all afternoon and were just walking home. It really was like watching in slow motion, you knew what was going to happen and yet you were still powerless to stop it.

I took off running; Leah was already ahead of me but I knew we were going to be too late. We couldn't stop the inevitable.

The squealing tires came to a halt, only to be replaced with a sickening thud and then loud screams.

Leah got there before me; from where I was, I could tell that it was bad. There was a man lying on the road, with a head wound; a little boy with a compound fracture and a deep laceration across his forehead. Lastly, there was a woman who looked unharmed but seemed to be in shock.

It all happened so fast, one second a family was walking and the next a driver is hitting them, and then crashing into a nearby tree.

I ran to the car; the driver reeked of booze and was passed out slumped over the steering wheel. I checked his pulse and his breathing was steady. Drunks never seem to the ones who get hurt I thought as I reached for my phone. I looked down to dial 911 but all my bars were gone. "Do you have a cell?" I asked, looking at Leah.

"No."

"OK, I need you to call 911 then come back and help me." I told Leah using my calm voice. She thankfully listened and took off. I made my way to check on the two injured family members, quickly accessing which needed my help more urgently.

"Ma'am, I need you to sit down. What's your son's name?" I asked. I knelt down to help the little boy.

"Steven," she answered, her voice sounding panicked.

I needed her to stay calm; it would help if she had a task to focus on, something simple. "Will you tell me about him?" I suggested.

"He…he loves science and climbing trees," she informed me.

"What else does Steven like?" I wanted her to keep talking. She started telling me some of his favorite things to do. As I concentrated on Steven, checking his breathing and his pulse, her words became background noise and I let her ramble.

Leah quickly returned, panting and looking around at the two people lying in the street bleeding.

"Help is on the way, what do I do?"

"I need you to check on the man, tell me if he's still breathing."

"Yes he's breathing," she answered.

"Ok, now check his pulse; is it strong and even?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Now do you see any injuries?"

"I'm not sure; he has a lot of blood on his head."

"**Don't move him**. Keep his head and neck as still as possible but try to stop the bleeding. You need to put firm pressure over the spot where the blood is coming from," I instructed.

With the man stable for the moment, I concentrated on the child in front of me.

Steven was losing too much blood from a gaping wound to his leg. I wasn't sure where it was coming from, I was only certain that it had to be stopped. I looked at the woman who was wearing only a bathing suit, then Leah who only had a sports bra on.

_Fuck_, I thought, and then I took my shirt off and tied it around the flowing gash in his leg, creating a pressure dressing. I checked his head wound. Thankfully, it was superficial but head wounds bleed a lot and he would no doubt have a concussion.

Steven was breathing but his breaths were shallow and labored. His lips were starting to take on a bluish tint: I was afraid to move his neck so I lifted up his jaw and started giving him mouth-to-mouth rescue breaths. I had to get more oxygen in his little body, while I waited for the ambulance to arrive.

After a couple of minutes of rescue breathing, the bluish tint was gone from Steven's face and he was breathing easier. I kept his jaw elevated and monitored him closely. With Steven doing better for the moment I could finally ask about the man. "How's he doing Leah?" I asked.

"His eyes are open, but he's not talking, his breathing seems fine," she said.

"Good, just keep talking to him," I instructed. In the distance I could start to hear the wail of the sirens. I looked up to see that the pack and a lot of residents were finding their way to us.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the ambulances stopped a couple of minutes later and the EMT's walked over.

"This is Steven, he's ten years old, he has a compound fracture of the left leg, and a laceration on his forehead. He had massive blood loss from a gash on his thigh before I could get enough pressure applied to stop the bleeding. His breathing has been shallow and labored so I gave rescue breaths until he recovered. He may have some broken ribs and I'm pretty sure he has a concussion. He has not regained consciousness since I've been here."

"The dad is conscious, his breathing and pulse are fine but he isn't responding to any verbal stimulation. The mother over there appears fine; I think she is just in shock."

"The driver is in the car passed out, needs a BAC," I explained to the paramedic.

The paramedics and EMT's took over after arriving on scene. I watched as father and son were loaded into separate ambulances, Steven's mom riding with him. The cops stood with the driver until a third ambulance could take him to be checked. I stood up and finally looked down at myself; I was left in my bra and had blood all over my hands, arms and my stomach.

I looked over to the pack who were just staring at me. "Seth give me your shirt," I held my hand out, only to hear that mother fucker growl and toss me his.

"Fuck you," I barked. "Seth, give me your goddamn shirt." I yelled.

Seth looked between me, and_**Him**_, and I wished I had brought that damn shotgun.

"Never fucking mind," I snarled. "This is un-fucking believable!"

I stalked my way to Sue's house and threw the door open. "Where the hell is your shirt?" Charlie asked. He turned beet red and the vein in his forehead pounded.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah … I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking. Don't worry Dad, it's not my blood," I quipped looking at my father.

"Sue, where is the bathroom?"

"I'll show you," she stuttered, leading me down the hall.

I cleaned myself up, as well as I could, without getting into the shower. For a moment I just stood there trying to figure out how the hell I got to this place.

"Who is it?" I asked when there was a knock on the door.

"It's Leah; I have a shirt for you."

"Thanks," I told her as I took the t-shirt from her outstretched hand, and I _was_ thankful.

I pulled it on and looked into the mirror seeing myself. For a second I saw the lost, broken little girl that I was three years ago. _NO! I will not go back to that_, I promised myself as I opened the door and headed to the living room.

I was greeted by silence as every one of their heads turned to look at me. I forced myself to look at each one of them in the eyes, as I made my way to the door.

"Bella… wait..."

I turned back around, staring them down before looking up at my father.

"Did you really think I'd leave for no reason?" I asked looking at him.

"I…" he sputtered, "What was I supposed to believe, you left."

"You were supposed to know me, **your daughter**, better than that. I fought you over him. Didn't you ever find it odd that I would just pick up and leave, after fighting so hard to be with him?"

"If you wanted to know what happened so damn bad, why didn't you ask me, instead of everyone else in this room. I'll bet half of them don't know and yet they still believe the same thing you do." I fought to regain control over my emotions.

"Goddamn it… someone tell me what is going on." Charlie demanded, looking around the room.

I could see Sue begging me with her eyes, but at this point I didn't give a damn.

"Did you know he imprinted on me three months before I was told? I felt this pull and had no idea why, because all my 'friends' kept quiet about it. That's not the only thing you kept quiet about though, is it?" I directed my question to the people I once called friends, family even.

"I remember the day I met him; our eyes met and for one second, he had the kindest expression I had ever seen." I told Charlie, slipping into a past; I'd worked hard to forget.

"I didn't know it at the time but that was the exact moment he imprinted on me." The long ago memory resurfaced, just as vivid as it had been the moment it took place. "He didn't want me."

I ran my hands over my face. "Not wanting me wasn't good enough though, nope, not for him. He liked to call me names, horrible degrading names. Every time he saw me… Every single time he snarled one of his nicknames at me, it made my head pound. It physically hurt. I didn't know that it hurt because I was his imprint. When his verbal attacks were no longer enough, he started terrorizing me. Growling, snarling, and when he was feeling particularly cruel, he would act as if he was going to phase near me, then he would laugh. He would look at me with so much hate, and laugh. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest every time he did it, my heart literally hurt. Again, I didn't know about the imprint." I paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "You want to know the best part? They could all hear my heart beat too fast, my breathing come out in pants…still they kept their silence. They knew what he was doing to me, and they said nothing."

"Then there were the girls, so many girls. He loved making sure that I heard about every single one them. Details of what he did, how he did it, and then he'd laugh and tell me how worthless I was for being left behind by a dead man. I wanted to stay away from him, but I couldn't. I still felt the pull to him the entire time. I didn't understand it, but I felt it. I felt every name he called me, every snarl he directed at me; every time he talked about another of his conquests, **I felt it**. My skin burned and my head pounded, my body ached and the cold… no matter how many blankets I covered up with… I was always so cold. Three months I felt it. I felt him. Three months, my friends remained silent." I paused, and took a deep breath willing myself to stay strong and get this out.

"I guess the pull of the imprint got to be too much, so he came to me, told me he imprinted on me, told me he was sorry. I forgave him."

"I forgave all of them for not telling me, for not stopping him, from hurting me. That was my mistake." I looked around the room before settling once again, on Charlie.

"He told me how he could be whatever I needed, a friend, or a lover, it was up to me. We started out as friends. I told him my secrets, my dreams, everything I'd ever been afraid of. I told him. I fell in love with him, slowly, but I loved him with all of my heart. We talked about our plans, getting married, raising a family. We picked out names for our future children. God, did I want it. I wanted it so much and I wanted it with him. I fought you over him. I loved him and I believed in him. To me, he was worth it. He was mine and I was his, or so I thought." I paused once more to gather myself, as the old hurt washed over me, bringing new rips and tears to my heart.

I met Charlie's eyes, "I stayed at his house, and we had sex for the first and only time. I was a virgin. He was sweet and loving; it was everything a girl could hope their first time would be. I left that morning to go home and I'd never been happier in my entire life. I loved someone and they loved me back. We were going to have a future together. I wanted to surprise him with lunch; I wanted to take care of him the way he did me. I went to the store and got everything I needed to make his favorite… enchiladas. I cooked them and when I finished baking them, I packed them up, and drove to his house. I thought he had patrol, so I let myself in with the key he had given me. I walked inside, put the pan in the oven, and looked around to write him a note so he would know. I had just found a pen when I heard them. At first, I didn't understand what I was hearing. I climbed the stairs and made my way to the door of his bedroom. He was fucking another girl on the bed that he had taken my virginity on just hours before. The bed he made love to me on. I was frozen in place not wanting to believe that what I was seeing was real. It was hearing another woman moaning his name that told me; it was as real as anything had ever been." I inhaled deeply before blowing my breath out through pursed lips.

"It took him five minutes to realize I was standing frozen in the doorway. Do you have any idea how long five minutes can feel like? I drove home and less than an hour later, he was on my doorstep with Sam, my best friend Jake and Emily. I listened as Sam explained how important pack unity was and spouted nonsense about a divided pack not being able to protect their people. I heard Emily's bullshit explanation of how imprints are bound to each other and that no matter what I would always feel a pull to him. I looked at my best friend who stood there, giving me an 'I told you so look'. Jacob never said a word in my defense; he just listened while Sam tried to guilt me into silence. **My best friend** stayed silent while the Alphas mate described the imprint bond as if I was too stupid to understand. Telling me I'd never feel complete if I separated from my 'soul mate.' Then, for the grand finale, _**He**_ told me he was sorry. _**He**_ begged for forgiveness. _**He**_ told me how it didn't mean anything; it was just a goodbye fuck. I didn't know he'd been fucking anyone consistently enough to require a goodbye. After all, I thought _**He**_ was with me. _**He**_ fucked me just like he did all of his whores, only I didn't know it." I explained to Charlie. Then giving one last glance around the silent room I turned and walked out the door.

**AN:** Thank You Feebes 86 for being a super awesome Beta!

If you would like to see the beautiful banner GoldenGirl (GG) made check out :

Https:/trickyraven (dot) ning (dot) com


	4. Chapter 4 You Know Who You Are

_I tried to sneak myself through, tried to get to the other side._

_I had to patch up the cracks and the holes that I have to hide._

_For a little bit of time even made it work okay._

_Just long enough to really make it hurt._

_When they figured me out and it all just rotted away._

_**NIN: Don't you know who you are**_

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><p><strong>CH.4 Don't You Know Who You Are<strong>

**Leah's Pov**

I watched Bella walk out the door and all I could think was holy fuck, but I didn't have much time for anything else as the room erupted into chaos.

Snarls, growls, shaking wolves, and one pissed off Chief of Police surrounded me.

"Silence!" Charlie roared, and I admit I was scared. My new stepdad sounded lethal and looked murderous.

"**YOU**, start talking." He demanded, glaring at one of the only two people who seemed to know what the hell was going on.

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?" Charlie bellowed, and I saw his hand twitch near his side where his service revolver normally restsed.

"Can't,"

Charlie gazed around the room, staring each of us down. "Why the hell not?"

"Alpha order."

Charlie looked at Sam and sneered, "Take the order back or so help me god."

"Charlie, you have to understand my first priority is the pack; if the pack is divided we cannot protect the tribe." Sam told him.

"_The Pack_? For three years, I've been told about Bella being a part of the pack, has it all been a lie?" Charlie asked his voice deadly calm.

"Did you know about this?" Charlie turned, to look at mom. I prayed to the spirits she didn't. I did not think Charlie would forgive her.

Mom only nodded, and it was all the confirmation Charlie needed. Without saying a word, I watched my new stepfather walk into his and mom's room and heard as he began pulling things out of their drawers and closet.

"You cheated on her?" I asked, dumbfounded. "She's your imprint."

"This doesn't make sense. Why did you give an Alpha order to keep this a secret? " Seth asked looking around.

"Please try to understand Charlie; I was in an impossible situation." I heard mom tell him.

"No, Sue you weren't." He contested. The anger and hurt was evident in his voice.

"Charlie, please." Mom begged.

"For three years, I've been after Bella to come home, ignoring her pleas for me to drop the issue. Every time I talked with her on the phone, I pushed just a little bit harder than the last time. I believed you, my wife, and everyone here when you told me she was a part of the pack, loved and wanted… but she isn't, is she?" I listened, as Charlie took a deep breath. "She never was," he said, sadly. "I married you knowing you had two children, knowing I would care and love them as my own. You don't give a damn about my child. You let me push her farther away every time I harassed her to come home. Watching and listening as I ignored her wants, all the while knowing why she left. I'll have to pay for the damage to my relationship with Bella, but if you think I'm going to pay for that on my own, you are mistaken." Charlie promised, and the threat in his voice gave me shivers. Charlie Swan meant what he said.

Mom walked out of the bedroom, her eyes red and puffy from crying. I could hear Charlie in the bathroom gathering his toiletries.

"Sam." I snarled.

"Leah, I am doing what is best for this pack, which is protecting our people."

"NO! She was supposed to be a part of the pack, what the hell happened to that? You fucked her over and you used us to help you. What the fuck went down three years ago?" Embry asked, looking at Sam.

Hell, I was never a fan of Bella Swan but even I know this was as fucked up as it could get. I felt bad for her, if I thought imprinting had screwed me over it was nothing compared to what it had done to her. Fuck, now I was feeling bad for the ex-leech lover.

Looking around Embry and Quil were barely containing their phase. I knew they along with Seth had been close to Bella, and they were feeling like shit.

"Sam, come on man this is fucked up." Quil said, looking at our Alpha.

Jake was the only one who had not said a word, he looked close to tears.

"Fuck this." Embry snarled. He launched himself at our pack brother, and the two of them tumbled to the floor crashing through the kitchen table.

"Help me get them outside." Sam ordered, but no one moved.

Sam moved to pull them apart, but Seth and Quil stepped in front of him.

"NO!"

**Bella's Pov**

I stood in the lobby of the motel, waiting to sign my credit card slip, and for Hertz to bring me a new car. "Thank you Ms. Swan." The greasy looking attendant told me, as he handed me my receipt.

Another twenty minutes outside in the newly sunny Olympic Northwest and I was taking the keys to my new rented sedan. I had five days left in this fucking state, true I could drive home but I didn't think my emotional state could handle it, and if I was honest with myself the last two days had been too much. I was headed for a break down; I could feel it creeping up on me, like a cold chill.

I made it to Port Angeles in under an hour, fuck the speed limits. I pulled into a Holiday Inn, and dragged myself to the counter.

"You are not to give my information out." I told Heather, who just looked at me as if I was crazy, hell, maybe I was. I knew Charlie would try to get in touch with me, I also knew he was going to flash his badge, and Heather would crumble like a chocolate chip cookie.

I unpacked my belongings quickly, and slipped into the hot spray of the shower. The meager hotel bathroom filled with steam, making me feel as if I stood in a misty forest. I stayed in the shower until the water turned cold and my body registered the chill. I stepped out of the shower, dried off and threw on some pajamas, planning to stay in for the rest of the day and night. Jack would be making a house call.

The sun had gone down, and I was half past drunk, but sober enough to know I would never be as numb as I wished to be. I laid down dreading the images that were sure to appear behind my closed lids.

**3 Years Earlier**

_Jake…my best friend…my personal sun disappeared. I felt the loneliness seeping into my pores just as bad, if not worse than when HE left. Jake's absence and Billy's lies, were making me crazy. I didn't know what I did wrong for him to break his promise, to leave me._

_I couldn't take it anymore, I needed my friend back or at the very least, I needed to know why he was never home, and why Billy kept lying to me. I grabbed my jacket, and made my way to my truck ignoring the rain and started the drive to La Push._

_I pulled into the dirt driveway of the Blacks not sure what to do, go to the door and knock ,or wait until I saw Jake come out. I missed him bouncing outside, at the sight of my truck, engulfing me into one of his signature bear hugs. As I sat in my truck thinking of what I needed to do next, I saw four huge men walk out of the forest. I didn't recognize any of them until they walked closer. _

_Through the rain that was pounding down on my windshield I saw Jacob… my Jacob was walking with a group of boys. One of whom I recognized as Sam Uley, and I thought another one of them was Embry. I was so lost in my own mind I did not realize one of the men had broken from the group, and now stood beside my truck, tapping on my window. I turned my head to see Jake. However, it was not my Jake. The boy/man, who stood beside my window, had cold eyes, his posture menacing. His beautiful ink black hair had been shorn, and a cold chill ran down my spine with the heated, hate-filled look he gave me._

"_J…Jake." _

"_What are you doing here?" _

_The rage coloring his face and the razor sharp edge of his voice, scared me. I didn't understand._

"_Jake what happened to you?" I asked, opening my door and standing on shaky legs, in the rain._

"_Nothing happened to me. You…Bella, leave. Go home and don't come back," he told me, his voice harsh, and his eyes flat._

"_W…why…Jake what's wrong?"_

"_You need to leave."_

"_You're my best friend." I pleaded, not understanding why he was sending me away._

"_Just leave." Jake yelled. He turned his back to me, walking back towards the others._

_I knew Jake was afraid of Sam and his gang; I didn't want my best friend to be hurting. He had been my sun when I needed the warmth. I started walking up to the men, who all looked at me with such hate filled eyes that it made my breath hitch._

"_Jake, please don't do this." I begged. My voice was just a little louder than a whisper._

"_I said leave, I don't want you here Bella." Jake replied, he wouldn't face me._

"_You promised." _

"_Pathetic." I heard one of the men say just before he started laughing at me._

_I turned to look at him. How could he find this funny?I wondered as I stepped towards him, slapping his face as hard as I could._

"_Get back!" Sam yelled at me, as the laughing man, started shaking. I looked at him seeing his pitch black eyes for the first time. So kind, I thought as I stared into them._

"_You Bitch." He snarled, seconds before exploding. _

The loud banging on the door brought me out of my semi conscience state. The memories of years past, ending with the flick of the wrist on the other side of the door.

Nothing good could come from whoever was waking me from my Jack induced slumber, but I knew the banging would only continue if I didn't answer.

I pulled myself up, knocking the half-empty bottle of Jack on the floor. "Damn it," I yelled reaching to save my therapy in a bottle.

I rose, standing on shaky legs, my head was spinning, but I was still coherent enough to know that whoever stood on the other side of the door, was not going away and that whoever it was, I did not want to see.

"I don't know why I'm here." He said as I opened the door and revealed my 'guest.'

"Yes, you do, or you wouldn't have tracked me down." I answered. I stood to the side giving him room and motioned for him to come in.


	5. Chapter 5 How to Disappear

_I'm not here_

_This isn't happening_

_I'm not here, I'm not here_

_**Radio Head-How to Disappear Completely**_

* * *

><p><strong>CH.5 How to Disappear<strong>

I stood looking at him, my vision hazy, as Jack coursed through my veins.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He growled, his eyes accusing.

I gaped at him. _Just great, nothing like a pissed off man in the middle of the night, to add to the implosion of my landing at rock bottom._

"Get out! I'm not your punching bag." I yelled, standing next to the still opened door.

"Just…why didn't you tell me?" He whispered.

"Would you have believed me?" I asked, and he knew, just as I did, that the answer was, no.

"I didn't fucking see it, how the hell did I not see it?" He raged.

I watched as he sat down pulling at his hair, pleading with me, with himself, for this to be a nightmare. I knew how that felt. I can remember wishing for the same thing.

"You didn't see it because you didn't want to." I sighed, and thought back to the months I spent asking myself the same question. Hell, on my worse nights, when not even my affair with Jack could quiet the demons of my memoires, I would ask myself the same damn question.

"I didn't fucking see it." He stood, and began pacing the length of my motel room. He looked like a caged beast. I sat on the bed waiting for him to come back to reality.

"Do you know for how long?" He stopped his pacing, looked at the floor, and then he settled his tortured eyes on me.

"No, my guess is that it went on for quite a while considering I was told it was a goodbye fuck like that was supposed to make it all better." I mumbled. The vision of _**him**_, and that bitch permanently was ingrained in my mind.

"What happened?"

"I told you what happened. I saw them, and then my **'family'** paid me a visit, begging me not to tell. They used guilt and manipulation and finally, Sam used the Alpha Voice to ensure silence. I couldn't stay. It's bad enough to be left by an entire family, but it's even worse to be fucked by one." I admitted.

"How did you find me?" I asked. I needed to know how much time I had before the goddamn Calvary arrived.

"I scented you; you must have driven with the window down."

_Only in my fucked up existence, would that sentence, make all the sense in the world,_ I thought bitterly.

"Embry beat the hell out of him. He didn't fight back. Quil and Seth phased in the living room. It tore up half the damn house. Leah hit Sam, Jake looked like he was going to cry and your dad…your dad packed a bag, and left."

"How the hell do you get over it?" he asked. His eyes begged for answers, I didn't have.

I couldn't help the bitter laugh that bubbled from my chest. "You don't." I bit out. I picked up my bottle of Jack, and took a swig from the bottle, the burn offered comfort from the fire of betrayal.

"You drink now huh?"

I quirked my brow, "Yeah, nothing like seeing your supposed soul mate fucking someone else to make you want to pick up the bottle. Unless it's hearing him call out her name, as he cums," I retorted. I almost felt guilty when I saw the wince of pain cross his face.

He held his hand out, silently asking for a drink. What the hell do I care? I thought passing the bottle.

"You're not a teacher." He stated, as he looked at me from the bottom of the now drained bottle.

I laughed one of those, witch cackle laughs, "What makes you say that?"

"Leah, you dropped her. The accident, you did shit. What the hell are you?"

"I'm a paramedic."

"Don't you have to be a firefighter to do that?" he asked his brow nearly in his hair.

"Most are." I told him without giving any more information about myself away. I didn't owe anyone explanations, and I wasn't in the mood to give any.

"We're engaged."

"Were or are?"

"I…I don't know." He picked up the bottle of Jack I retrieved from the mini fridge. "Fuck, if I know," he mumbled. He took a drink. Half the bottle empty when he handed it back to me.

"I gotta go," he barked as he got up and walked out.

"See ya," I said to the closed door.

"Fuck!" I yelled, as I lay back down.

_**3 Years Earlier**_

_The giant wolf stood snarling and clawing at the ground as it stared at me. I couldn't move, I couldn't even scream. Take her to Emily's, Sam shouted, as a giant russet colored wolf hit the snarling wolf in the side, and the two rolled into the trees, growling, hissing and biting at each other's fur._

_Come on, let's go. One of the boys said guiding me to my truck. Embry, that's who that is, I absently thought._

_I waited what seemed like forever at 'Emily's' until Jake and the man that exploded in front of me walked through the door with Sam. Jake nodded at me, and I left with him. We quickly found ourselves at First Beach._

_Werewolf huh, I said looking at my best friend. _

_Yeah._

The banging at the door brought me out of my dream-induced sleep, again. _Motherfucker,_ I thought and stomped my way to the door.

"I…fuck; I don't know where to go," he looked past me, not meeting my eyes as he held up a brown paper bag.

I moved to the side, _who was I to deny a self-loathing semi-drunk wolf a reprieve?_ I watched as he stumbled into the room, and flopped down on the extra bed. _What the hell had he done, when he left earlier? _

"You're drunk," I stated. Hell, there was no use in asking or accusing, I knew all too well the desire to fall into the bottle to numb yourself.

"Blame me?"

"No… I just didn't think you could get drunk," I told him honestly.

"It's difficult, not impossible." He pulled the bottle from the bag, opened it and started drinking.

Despite the stumbling and the slight slur of words he seemed to be more graceful than I am completely sober. _Fucking Wolves!_

He drank until the bottle was empty. He stood; and swayed on his feet. The site of an unsteady wolf brought me more glee than it should have. _I guess four bottle of tequila is the key to supernatural intoxication,_ I mused.

"I'm a go… yup, I'm go-ing," he hiccupped. He shakily made his way to the door. He stumbled into the small table that took up too much space in the tiny motel room.

"You can't leave like that," I sighed. "You can stay here," I took his hand and then used all my strength to steady him as I guided his huge frame to the extra full size bed on the other side of the room.

He plopped down on the mattress, and looked up at me with glassy eyes. "Thanks," he slurred.

"You're welcome," I started to cross the room back to my own bed, when his hand caught my arm and he pulled me to him. I lost my balance and landed on top of him.

I could see him moving to me in slow motion but yet it was too fast to do anything. His lips pressed against mine and for the first time in three years I felt the warm lips of a wolf.

"Stop!" I shouted, pulling my face from his.

"Shit! I'm sorry," he cursed looking horrified. _Yeah, kissing me is horrifying,_ I thought bitterly.

"I'm not going to be your revenge fuck," I sneered. I wasn't sure if I was angry with him or angry at myself for instantly missing the heated feel of his lips. "Just go to sleep," I ordered. I got up and took the few steps necessary to get to my own bed. I lay down, pulled the covers up and wished once again I had never come back here.

"I… I really am sorry," I heard him whisper.

"I know, Jared."

**Beta:Feebes86 (You Rock!)**


	6. Chapter 6 Tears and Rain

Beta:The wonderful, fantastical, **Feebes86**

Special thank you to** Astridt244 **for helping to find the perfect song**.**

**This chapter takes place right after Bella leaves Charlie's in chapter 5**

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><p>How I wish I could surrender my soul<p>

Shed the clothes that become my skin

See the liar that burns within my needing

How I wish I had screamed out loud

Instead I've found no meaning

_** Tears and Rain by James Blunt**_

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><p><strong>CH. 6 Tears and Rain<strong>

**Jared's Pov**

Embry tackled Paul falling onto the dining table; the table gave under the weight of their bodies sending both of them to the floor in a tangled heap. Seth and Quil stood in front of Sam, blocking him from breaking up Embry and Paul. Jake sat on the couch with his head in his hands as Emily and my Kim watched with wide eyes. Charlie stormed through the melee without even glancing at the destruction around him. Leah glared at Sam as she tried to comfort Sue. _What a goddamn mess_, I thought.

"Embry! Enough!" Sam yelled, unable to get through Seth and Quil. He knew Alpha ordering them would just fuel their rage. I could see Embry trying to fight the order but we were hard wired to obey.

Embry lifted himself from Paul's bloody form, standing to his full height, panting and shaking. "You disgust me," he spit on Paul, who lay broken on the floor. Embry turned his rage filled face toward Sam, "What the fuck went down?" Embry roared. "You used me, you used all of us." I don't think any of us had ever seen Embry truly lose his temper. Looking at him right now was like looking at him for the first time. Embry Call was pissed.

I looked from Sam to Jake. They were the only two who knew what had gone down three years ago, and neither of them was offering up answers or explanations. Paul slowly pulled himself up, his face swollen and bruised; he'd heal in an hour or so. Sam grabbed him by the shoulder and helped him outside, leaving the rest of us to stare at the remnants of Sue and Charlie's dining room. Jake quickly stood and left never saying a word to any of us.

Nothing made sense. How the fuck had Paul cheated on Bella, once they both accepted the imprint, and why would Sam keep something like this from the pack? _If Paul fucked up, why would Sam threaten Bella into silence? She was pack. _

Emily stood and started cleaning up the mess, Kim jumped up and began working by her side to clear the broken glass and overturned lamps from the floor. I stooped down, picked up part of the now demolished table and hauled it outside. Quil followed me, carrying pieces of the table, looking how I felt… confused.

"It doesn't make sense," he shook his head.

"No, it doesn't. We're missing something," I agreed. I tried to think of anything that would possess Sam to threaten an imprint. Imprints were sacred within the pack.

Quil and I made quick work of clearing the broken table from the dining room. Kim and Emily headed to Sam's house; Sue locked herself in her room, crying, while Leah stood outside the door, trying to get Sue to let her in. Seth stood in the center of the living room, looking like he didn't know what the hell to do. Seth ran his hand through his hair. "What the hell happened?" he sighed looking around the now empty space.

"We fucked her over, that's what happened," Embry's voice boomed. "And our almighty Alpha is a fucking liar."

"Come on man, let's go for a run," Quil offered. The two of them left leaving Seth and I to stare at each other. I could hear Sue open her bedroom door. She and Leah walked in and I knew they needed some family time Sue looked awful, her eyes were red and puffy and she looked like Charlie had died, instead of walking out.

"I'll uh, see you later." _Fuck!_ I didn't feel like talking to anyone who might be out enjoying a rare sunny day, so I ducked into the trees and started walking towards Sam's house to pick Kim up. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what was going on, I knew we were missing something big. No way would Sam threaten an imprint unless whatever he knew was huge. I was almost to Sam and Emily's back yard when I heard hushed voices. I stopped walking and listened, trying to hear anything that would let me know what the fuck had really happened.

"It's going to be ok," Emily softly reassured.

"What if it's not?" Kim's voice sounded scared. They were talking so quietly even with my enhanced hearing it was hard to catch everything they were saying. "What if…" Kim started to say but was cut off by Sam's voice.

"It's going to be fine, but you need to get yourself together," he told her.

_What the fuck?_

"Let's get you cleaned up. You don't' want him to see you crying," Emily told Kim. I could hear chairs scraping against the floor, then footsteps as they walked out of the room.

I was about to head towards the house when I heard Paul speak up. Hell, I didn't even realize he was in there. "She alright?" Paul asked.

Was who alright? Fuck, he saw Bella leave. He knew goddamn well she wasn't ok.

"Emily's getting her cleaned up, she's pretty rattled." Sam answered him.

Why was Paul asking about my imprint, and not his own. What the fuck was going on? I could feel both sides of myself warring with each other. My wolf was pacing, snarling at me to go in there and demand answers. The man in me was desperately trying to makes sense of what I was hearing.

"She's in the guest room," Emily announced, the chair scraping against the floor once more as she sat down.

I could hear footfalls walking out of the room; they were much too heavy to be female. "Sam?" Emily's voice called out.

Without seeing him, I knew he would be running his hands through his hair the way he does when he's stressed. "Come here," Sam cooed. I heard the rustle of fabric and assumed that he must have pulled Emily into his arms. "Emily, it's going to be ok. I will keep our family together," he promised.

_It had to be something big,_ my earlier thought echoed in my mind. The pieces clicked into place. My imprint was upset, Paul, Bella speaking of betrayal and accusing Sam of hiding things from the pack. The unbelievable entered my mind. My lungs burned and my vision went hazy. I didn't realize I was moving forward until I stood in the doorway looking at my Alpha and his mate. Sam's eyes went wide as he looked at me. I followed his line of sight to see I held his screen door in my hand and it was no longer attached to the door frame.

Paul and Kim chose that moment to walk in. He didn't move fast enough. I saw his arm around her waist and the way she was intimately tucked into his side would have told me what was going on, if I hadn't already guessed. "Jared, calm down," Sam stood pushing Emily behind him. My eyes met Paul's, and I was vaguely aware of him pushing Kim behind him and toward the hallway, his body standing between me and her.

I was incensed.

I lunged. I could hear Kim and Emily screaming in the background. The sound was muffled in my ears, nothing but white noise. I could feel Paul's bones cracking under my fists. The scent of his blood soothed me as I sought vengeance. My mind was on a singular mission and my wolf was in total agreement. He was anxious for Paul's inert body to be laid on the ground in front of us.

"Jared! Stop! You're going to fucking kill him," Sam's Alpha voice rang loud, but my wolf was too far gone to submit.

Hot hands pulled me from Paul, held me around the chest, and hauled me outside. My muscles ached with tension, as my wolf tied to break free. I gasped for air as I tried to figure out who was keeping me from my prey. It was only then that I realized the entire pack had been summoned.

"What the fuck is going on?" Leah roared.

Sam walked outside, his face a mask. Paul's blood was smeared on his bare chest, inciting my wolf. I wanted to attack. Paul, my best friend, and Sam my Alpha had betrayed me. I could feel myself fighting against the hands that restrained me.

"Let me go," I snarled. I could feel the hesitance in the arms that held me, but my brothers released me. I turned on my heel and walked to the side of the yard. I needed to get the fuck out of here.

"Jared…" Kim cried. I paused and glanced back at her. Her face was red and streaked with tears and for the first time in years, I didn't give a damn and kept walking.


	7. Chapter 7 Mad World

**A/N**: As always, thank you to Feebes86 for being a super awesome Beta

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><p><em>All around me are familiar faces<em>

_Worn out places, worn out faces_

_Bright and early for the morning races_

_Going nowhere, going nowhere_

_**Mad World by: Gary Jules**_

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><p><strong>CH.7 Mad World<strong>

**Bella's Pov**

_Emily and I were in the kitchen, baking a cake for Seth's birthday. The pack slowly began to arrive. No one would miss the party, a party meant more food._

"_Bells…" Embry greeted me with a wave and a smile as he sat down at the table. I could hear Paul mumbling under his breath. I knew better than to look at him, it would only make him angrier with my presence. "Why is she here?" he sneered as he took the seat next to Embry._

"_Paul!" Sam warned him. It wasn't an Alpha command, it never was._

_I didn't understand why Paul hated me so much, why he was so cruel. I wanted to laugh or cry, maybe both. Sam's warnings never did anything, that's all they ever were… warnings. Paul knew it just as well as the rest of us did. I wondered why Sam and Emily kept inviting me over if Sam was only going to let Paul treat me badly. Maybe it was some kind of punishment for loving their enemy? Fuck, for that fact, why did I keep setting myself up for this type of abuse? _

It was the cold that pulled me from my dreams. Dream… nightmare, they were the same at this point. I kept my eyes shut and willed myself to go back to sleep and dream about that guy from _300_. Yes, him I wanted to dream about.

Like most things, it didn't matter what I wanted, not when my full bladder was making itself known. Damn you, Jack!

I knew before I opened my eyes, that Jared was gone. He had left taking the heat with him. I missed the warmth that seeped from his body and surrounded me. _Oh Fuck!_ It was with that thought that I pulled myself from the lumpy bed. The stale air of the motel room prickled my skin. I shivered. _I had to get out of here, out of Forks, out of Washington_.

I crept to the bathroom, turned on the shower and stood at the sink looking into the mirror while I waited for the water to heat up. _I should never have come back_, I thought, staring at my reflection.

Charlie had had his own life before I moved here and he'd made a new life for himself after I left. I loved Charlie, I really did. But the few years I lived with him during and after high school couldn't make up for the years we'd spent apart. Coming back had been a mistake.

I shook my head and climbed into the shower. I shampooed my hair, washed my body and let the spray of the shower massage my tense muscles. When the water cooled, I turned the faucet off, stepped out of the tub onto the tile and wrapped a towel around myself. I wasted no time in getting dressed and ready.

I packed my suitcase, checked the drawers and mini closet and called the airport. I didn't care where I had to stop over or how long my layover would be, I needed to leave. I needed to go home, go back to work and forget this dreary part of the world existed. It was the only way I could have any resemblance of a normal life. I snorted with that thought. _Normal_, who was I kidding?

I prayed to whoever would listen that a flight would magically appear. I should have known better! I slammed the phone down, pissed off at the airlines. I dreaded the long drive home. I would have no distractions to keep me from traveling down memory lane. _Black Hole_, I reminded myself. This place sucked you in and held you hostage, suspended, in its supernatural fuckery. I zipped my suitcase close and dragged it out of the door and across the parking lot to my rental car. I unlocked the trunk and heaved it into the empty space. I shut the trunk and walked to the lobby to turn in my key card and settle my bill. The sooner I got out of here, the better.

**Charlie's Pov**

I wouldn't allow myself to think about Sue. She was the woman that I loved and she betrayed me, lied to me. _What about Billy, had he known? Had he been a part of the whole fucked up mess that had led to my daughter leaving?_ I stopped myself from wondering about that right now. I had more important things to do.

I pulled in to the parking lot of the motel wondering if Bella had already checked out**. **Bella wasn't here. I couldn't blame her. I'd taken a side without getting all the facts. I knew better than that, I was a goddamn cop after all, the Chief of Police. You never form an opinion until you have all the facts. I'd made a rookie mistake.

I left the motel and drove to the station. I walked in and ignored the looks from my deputies as I made my way to my office. No telling what the rumors were that would be started; I was supposed to be on my honey moon after all.

I knew Bella had used Hertz Rental Co. to rent her car, and I hoped that I could catch her before she turned the vehicle back in. I had to talk to her, tell her how sorry I was. I had to make this right.

**Thank you for calling Hertz. This is Jen, how can I help you?**

**This is Chief Swan from Forks, my badge number is 555. I need you to tell me if Isabella Swan has returned her vehicle.**

I could hear the clicking of keys as 'Jen' typed in Bella's name.

**No Sir, there's a note in the computer stating that the sedan Ms. Swan rented will be in use for the next eight days. Is there anything else, I can help you with, Chief Swan?**

**No, that will be it. – Click **

**The Pack- Leah's Pov **

We were crammed into the meeting room of the council hall. Confusion, anger, betrayal, we all felt it. Hell, I could taste it in the air. The room was silent despite holding an angry wolf pack and their imprints within its walls. Not even Kim's cries could be heard. It was eerie.

Sam walked in, head down as he made his way to the Elders' table. Old Quil and Mom followed behind him as Jake pushed Billy. They made their way to the front of the room and sat down. Once they were settled, Billy took the whale head and hit the drum three times, signaling the start of an official meeting.

No one spoke. Not the Elders, not our Alpha, not our Chief. The silence was thick and smelled sour. _The calm before the storm_, I thought. Sam cleared his throat and lifted his head, his eyes searching for Emily. _Yeah, that about sums it up,_ I thought. Search for the backstabbing bitch to calm you while you gather your thoughts to explain to us how you fucked over one of our brothers.

I looked around the room, taking in the different sites of each of my brothers. Jake sat with his shoulders slumped, as he picked at his hands that were folded in his lap. He hadn't said a word about the shit storm that was raining down. Moving my eyes to take in the rest of the pack, on my left I could see Embry. His jaw was clenched, his hands balled into fists at his side. Quil sat next to him, his arms were folded across his chest, and I could see he was trying not to shake. Seth sat just to the right of Quil and Embry; his eyes were darker than I had ever seen them. Paul sat off to the side of everyone; his head was hung, looking at the floor. Emily and Kim sat in the front row beside one another, holding onto each other as if they were the ones in pain. _Selfish Bitches! _

"This is an emergency meeting to discuss the unity of the Quileute pack," Sam's voice echoed off the walls.

All hell broke loose.

**Jared's Pov**

I pulled myself from my borrowed bed, wishing for a hangover. At least then maybe I would be too consumed with the effects of the alcohol to feel the pain in my chest. I glanced at Bella's sleeping body and shook my head. How did she have the strength to come back?

_Charlie… she had come back for him, only to get fucked over once again_.

I didn't know what to do. Wake her and say thank you for letting me crash here, or let her sleep. Maybe she was dreaming. I wouldn't take away any peace her mind may be bringing her by waking her. I crept toward the door being as quiet as I could, as not to wake her. I looked back at the sleeping girl one more time before whispering my thanks as I slipped out of the door and into the sun filled afternoon.

_When the fuck did the Olympic Peninsula get sun?_ I yelled as I looked up at the bright sky. _Didn't the Spirits care?_ I wanted to see mother fucking storm clouds and hear the clash of thunder. I wanted the sky to rage and mourn with me. I made my way into the tree line and began my run home in my own body. I didn't phase, I didn't want anyone inside my head. Hell, I didn't want to be inside my own head right now.

I made it to the edge of the reservation and stilled, listening and scenting the area around me. When I was sure no one was near, I quickly made my way to the woods behind my house. I could hear my younger brother, Ben in the kitchen, and my mom running the vacuum cleaner across the living room floor. My dad was in the garage piddling around with the lawn mower. I needed to get in and out of La Push before Sam could stop me, or order the pack to do his bidding.

I made my way to the back door, and slipped in without my mom seeing me, but Ben caught me. I shook my head at him and put my finger over my lips signaling for him to be quiet. He must have caught onto my expression because instead of fucking with me like usual, he nodded. I managed to get upstairs undetected.

I grabbed my duffel bag from the closet, shook the dust off of it and started throwing clothes in it. I went into the bathroom and grabbed my deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste from the medicine cabinet and shoved those into the side pocket of the duffel bag. I lifted my mattress up and retrieved the cash I had managed to save and put it in my bag under the clothes.

I pulled a piece of paper from the printer tray and scribbled a quick note to my parents and left it on my bed. I walked out of my bedroom, closed the door behind me and peered down the hall. I needed to get out before my mom saw me and laid a guilt trip on me or worse started yelling and crying in an attempt to get me to stay. It would be easier if I could just leave without dealing with her right now. I wasn't ready to tell her why I needed to leave; I just needed to get the fuck out of here as quickly as I could.

I stood at the top of the stairs and waited until I heard my mom walk into the kitchen. I made my escape before she knew I had even been home. Dad was too busy yelling and cursing at the broken mower to notice me running out of the house and diving into the driver's seat.

I started my truck and backed out of the drive and headed out of La Push. I didn't know where the fuck I was going, only that I was leaving.


	8. Chapter 8 Torn

Beta: The wonderful, fantastical Feebes86

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><p>I thought I saw a man brought to life<p>

He was warm, he came around, and he was dignified

He showed me what it was to cry

There's nothing where he used to lie

This conversation has run dry

That's what's going on

Nothing's fine, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith

_**Torn by:**__** Natalie Imbruglia**_

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><p><strong>CH.8 Torn<strong>

**Pack –Leah's Pov**

Complete chaos surrounded me. The room was filled with snarls and screaming, sobs and the feeble attempts of Billy to bring order to the meeting. _Ppsh… fat chance_, I thought looking around me as my pack brothers blurred with the need to phase.

Both Jake and Paul were oddly quiet. I wanted to hear what they had to say. I wanted know how and why.

Sam stood up, **"ORDER!" **He roared in the double timber of the Alpha voice.

The room fell into silence, but it was anything but order. Embry's form shook to the point his chair was moving and Seth… fuck, I'd never seen him look so lethal before.

"How the fuck can you say this is a meeting about pack unity?" Embry roared, coming out of his chair so fast it clattered to the floor. "You fucked everyone over!"

"Stand Down!" Sam shouted rising from his seat. He shook his head in attempt to rein his own temper in, "I made a choice that was in the best interest of the pack. The pack **I** lead," he declared.

"Then maybe you shouldn't lead," Quil yelled standing at Embry's side.

"That's not for you to decide," Old Quil reprimanded him.

Quil stood fuming as he stared down Sam, and then each of the Elders including his own grandfather. "Maybe it should be, maybe it should be the pack's decision. Our Alpha lost any respect I had for him, and so did you."

Well damn. I'd never heard Quil be serious about anything. He was right though. How could we follow a leader who betrayed us? How could we respect our Elders who had known about the betrayal and sat silent?

I looked around the room, noticing the one absent wolf. "Where's Jared?" I wasn't sure if my voice had been heard over the snarling, but Seth caught my eye and scanned the room as well. "Go get him. He should be here," I mouthed to my brother.

Seth stood up and slipped out of the council building unnoticed. Embry, Quil and Sam were shouting back and forth. Emily and Kim were crying, and the elders were talking amongst themselves. _What a fucking mess_, I thought.

**Jared's Pov**

I quickly drove to Forks, and pulled into the parking lot of the only bank. I tried to calm myself enough to go in and not scare the general population with the look of murder I was sure graced my face. After sitting for twenty minutes, I wrenched open the door of my truck and headed inside, ignoring the stare from the security guard and the peppy hello from the teller. I withdrew every penny I'd ever saved.

I made it back to my truck, pulled out onto the 101, and drove. I had no idea where the fuck I was going. Hell, I didn't have anywhere to go. I had no friends outside of the pack. It had been easier that way. There were no college buddies I could call to crash on their couch. I never got to go anywhere, my duties to the pack and reservation had kept me in La Push. I didn't have any family outside of my parents and brother, or the pack.

I had accepted my wolf, embraced my imprint. I had let go of my dreams of leaving La Push, of college or baseball. I had been happy. I had brothers in the pack, a good job, a girl I loved and was going to marry. I figured there wasn't much more I could have wanted.

I was a fucking idiot!

I should have been more specific. I should have specified that I wanted a fiancé who wasn't a whore, who didn't fuck my best friend.

I pounded my fist against the steering wheel, cringing when I heard it crack. Fuck, I hissed.

I knew I had to get far enough that my fucking Alpha wouldn't be able to order me back to La Push. We had learned from Jake, that if you got far enough away from the Tribal Lands, you could phase and go undetected. I drove until I had to stop for gas. I quickly filled the tank, used the bathroom and grabbed a couple burgers from the truck stop restaurant and was back on my way to nowhere in under half an hour.

I'd never been outside of Washington before, hell; I hadn't been farther than Seattle in years. It felt odd and little freeing when I passed the 'Welcome to Oregon' sign.

**Charlie's Pov**

It hadn't been hard to find her. I called in an APB on her rental car, and waited. Officer Hines of the Port Angeles PD radioed in the location. I pulled into the parking lot, almost at the same time that Bella walked out of the hotel lobby. She walked to her car, opened the door and was about to climb in the driver's seat when I pulled in next to her.

I quickly put the cruiser in park and got out. "Bells…"

She stood just inside the open car door. "I don't have time for this. I have to get home and get back to work," she told me with a flat voice.

I shut the cruiser's door, and walked around to stand in front of my daughter, "Bells…I'm sorry."

"Thanks, I gotta go," she said tossing her purse onto the passenger seat.

I reached for her arm, placing my hand on the crook of her elbow. She looked at my hand on her arm, then up at me. "Bella, just… talk to me, please."

"Talk about what? What do you want to talk about?" She asked. The anger and hurt in her voice made me flinch. My daughter had always been on the shy side. Quiet and reserved, I wasn't sure what to make of the woman who stood before me.

"I… I'm sorry," I repeated. Hell, I didn't know what to say. She sighed and brought the car keys from her left hand to her right hand, "Bella, you're my daughter. I…"

"I heard you left Sue," Bella arched a brow at me.

"Yeah," I admitted feeling uncomfortable.

"You know when I moved in with you, we both knew it was to give Mom time with Phil. She didn't fight it. She cried about how she would miss me, but in the end she let me go. It wasn't because it was best for me, it was what she wanted. I knew it then, even at seventeen. I understood she was picking Phil. But, it was okay, I really did want to get to know you. The truth is we didn't know each other. I remember thinking that despite the fact that I'd never really lived with you, or even knew you, we had so much in common. I used to try to figure out why you let Mom take me. But you had your job and your friends here, so it made sense." She reasoned.

"Then I met Edward. He loved me. Of course it was my blood and silent mind he loved, not really me." Bella closed her eyes for a minute before opening them again. "He left telling me he couldn't pretend anymore. He did what was best for him. I can't really blame him for it."

"Jake. I loved him, just not the way he wanted me to, or you wanted me to. I tried and maybe there was a small part that thought and felt it could be romantic, but it wasn't a big enough part to let it happen. But of course that had to do with Paul. When I accepted Paul's imprint, Jake stopped talking to me. He ended our friendship; he said it was too hard. It was easier to walk away then remain my friend."

"Paul… I saw my entire future when I looked at him. Marriage, children, maybe even a cat." She said laughing at the cat part, as if remembering some funny inside joke.

"We were going to have it all. Family, friendship, love. I remember thinking if he fought so hard against me, then he would go to battle for and with me." She mused looking down at the ground. She took a deep breath and looked back up. I could see the resignation in her face, and I knew whatever she said next was going to hurt both of us.

"You should go home. Charlie, go back. Go back to your wife, to your family. I'm fine. I've watched everyone around me do what was best for them, and now I'm doing what's best for me. I'm walking away," she told me as she slipped behind the wheel of her car. The sound of the car door closing echoed in my head.


	9. Chapter 9 Runaway Train

So tired that I couldn't sleep

So many secrets I couldn't keep

Promised myself I wouldn't weep

One more promise I couldn't keep

_**Runaway Train: Soul Asylum**_

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><p><strong><strong>Ch. 9 Runaway Train<strong>**

**Jared's Pov**

The sun was bright as it penetrated through my closed lids. I opened my eyes to yet another reminder that I no longer had a home. I immediately felt the familiar pull to go back to La Push. It was strong, but over the months it had lessened, or I had gotten used to the discomfort. I didn't know which.

In the beginning when I first left, the pull was so strong, it almost overwhelmed me. My chest would constrict as if I were being embraced. The pressure would squeeze around my lungs until I was out of breath and panting. Every time I thought of turning around and heading back to Washington. I remembered the way it felt to see my fiancé snuggled into the side of my best friend. The way my blood boiled when I realized my brothers, my pack, my Elders, my tribe, they had all betrayed me.

No, I wouldn't return to the people that had made a fool of me. The wolf had taken too many choices from me, but I refused to let him have my dignity. I would fight him until he agreed with the man inside me. It was a constant tug-of-war. Man vs. Wolf. I felt it deep in my bones that as long as the man inside me fought, the wolf inside me would abide. We were after all the same person. We could find a way to protect as we were born to do, without losing ourselves to one another. I just had to be stronger than him, for now at least.

It was with that thought that I pulled myself up. _Fuck_, I hissed_. First and last time I sleep in my truck_, I grumbled. I opened the door and stepped out. I squinted against the too bright sun as I stretched. My back ached, my neck felt stiff and I was pretty sure I had a seat spring lodged in my ass. I walked to the tree line to piss. The scent of damp moldy leaves assaulted me. The forest was already showing signs of color as summer turned into early fall. With my supernatural eyesight I could see the subtle changes around me. The once green leaves were now yellowed ready to turn orange. The squirrels were busy gathering the food they would need for winter. It was hard to believe I'd been away from La Push, the pack and Kim for almost four months. Some days seemed to pass with the slowness of molasses, others flew by in a blink and you miss it kind of way.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and walked back to my truck. I pulled out the map I had stashed in the glove compartment and searched for my next temporary home. I knew the pack would look for me. I made sure never to stay in one place longer than a few weeks. Work was easy to find. They were shitty jobs, hard labor but with the wolf that resided it me, it was easy work. No one asked your name for a job that no one else wanted to do. They weren't the most glamorous of careers, but they paid cash and under the table. I sure as hell didn't remember anyone coming to the high school on career day to discuss becoming a roofer. _There is nothing worse than the smell of hot tar_, I thought remembering one of my first jobs.

Between the money I earned working, and the cash I'd withdrawn from the bank when I left La Push, I was doing pretty well. Course, I didn't have any bills, mostly I stayed in cheap motels and ate drive through greasy burgers. I busied myself studying my map, finally deciding on a destination. I stowed the map back in the glove compartment, buckled my seat belt and started the truck.

_Wyoming, here I come_, I thought as I drove down the dirt road until I hit pavement.

**Leah's Pov**

I walked into the council building, another change after D-Day as I now referred to it. Every pack meeting was now held at the council building with the Elder's present. I took my seat and pretended to give a damn. It's not like anything new would be discussed. It was always the same shit, just a different day. Billy wasted no time bringing the meeting to order. "Is there any news of Jared?"

When we had first learned that Jared had left, Sam had ordered the pack to search for him. We'd been dispatched to run as far as Seattle. There was no trace of him. He'd had a head start and by the time the pack had realized Jared was missing, he was long gone. I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to fist pump the air, and shout my congratulations. He had done what I wished I had done. What I _should_ have done, when I had learned about Sam and Emily.

I shook my head free of the memory and listened as Sam, our almighty Alpha reported, "No. We have found no scent trails and there have been no sightings." No one had seen or heard from Jared, since he took off. That was nearly four months ago.

Billy shook his head in disappointment. Jared's disappearance had been a big upset for the council. The Elder's had gone crazy when they found out he had left La Push. His leaving had forever changed the pack. Hell, the whole shit storm had changed everything for a lot of people. The honor that some of us had once felt in our role as tribe's protectors, was replaced by shame. The entire pack had been betrayed by our leader. We patrolled, we followed orders but Sam could have no doubt, it was without choice. None of us would follow him if we had an alternative.

I glanced at Jake who sat at Sam's left. His face showed no emotion as he listened to the meeting's proceedings. He was still a mystery. He had never spoken about what went down. As the rightful Alpha, he was able to hide his thoughts in the pack mind. So none of us knew what really happened with his and Bella's friendship, other than it was long ago over. I had thought, hoped even, that he would take over as Alpha after everything came out, but he didn't. With Jake not claiming the Alpha position and none of the rest of us wanting to follow Sam, Quil challenged Sam for Alpha. He had the next strongest bloodline. But Sam had made it clear with masked threats he would keep Claire from him. Quil couldn't do anything. Embry didn't have strong enough blood ties to challenge Sam and Seth was too young and still in school. As much as I wanted to be away from Sam's tyranny, I wouldn't put Seth through having to watch as Sam and I fought for the title. That left us with no choice, once again, except for Paul and he would have been even worse.

I shifted my gaze from Jake to Kim. She was huddled next to Emily, who had her arms wrapped around her, comforting her. They were their own pack. _A pack of whores, _I thought. I rolled my eyes when Kim's cries reached my ears. The tramp cried every time Jared's was mentioned. She was a good little actress, I'd give her that. But I knew better. I watched. I knew she and Paul were still sneaking around.

I knew Sam and Emily knew they were still messing around, hell, those two had known all along. If the Elder's knew, they were keeping a closed lid on the affair. But the rest of the guys didn't. I was just waiting for them to slip up and get caught. All hell would break lose when Embry, Quil and Seth found out.

Paul…He claimed to miss Bella, just as his little slut claimed to be heartbroken over Jared. He talked about being sorry, and wishing he could go back and change things. But I had to wonder if either of them knew the meaning of sorry. I mean how sorry can you be if you're still fucking the person you were caught cheating with?

I perked up hearing Sam ask Kim if she had talked with Mrs. Cameron. I did my best to hide my giddiness. Apparently Jared had called home at some point and given his mom a few details such as his fiancé was a cheating whore, his best friends were pieces of shit and he wasn't coming back. Evelyn Cameron had chewed Kim up and spit her out. Seth had been in the Ateara market when Kim walked in and ran into her.

When Seth had phased, I had enjoyed a front row seat to the show.

Kim hiccupped, "No, Mrs. Cameron won't speak to me."

"Ouch," I hissed when Seth pinched my leg.

"Stop laughing," he scolded barely able to contain his own mirth. The whole thing was like an episode of The Young and the Restless, the acting was just as bad too.

"Sam have you had any luck reaching out the Cameron's?" Old Quil asked.

Sam shook his head no and sighed. "No, Mrs. Cameron isn't my biggest fan right now."

_Understatement of the year,_ I thought. Seth pinched me again when I snorted a little too loud.

"They blame me in part for Jared leaving. Neither Mr. nor Mrs. Cameron is willing to give us any information." Sam elaborated.

After the discovery of Jared's 'defection', Sam had gone to the Cameron's. Evelyn Cameron answered her door with fire in her eyes and poison on her breath. She read Sam the riot act. She didn't know everything, but she knew enough. She and her husband blamed Sam, the Elders and the rest of us, for Jared leaving.

"His brother, Ben?" Old Quil prodded.

"No. If he knows where Jared is, he's not willing to tell us." Sam explained.

I swear they didn't know when to leave shit alone. Did they really think Jared's brother would sell him out?

Ben Cameron was four years younger than Jared. He and Jared were always extremely close. Even after Jared phased, he had managed to keep a close relationship with his brother, something that not all of us had been able to do with our family members who remained in the dark. Jared had watched and worried when we had a surge in vamp activity a few years ago. For whatever unknown reasons, Ben had never phased. No one could figure out why, he was the right age and from the right bloodline. Jared didn't care why; he was just relieved his brother had been spared.

I watched as Sam and the elders whispered with one another. No doubt plotting the next move in what I like to call '_O_peration Fuck Jared over some more'. I couldn't believe who Sam had turned out to be. I'd loved him from the time I was too young to really know what love was. We'd dated all through high school, got engaged and then Emily came along. I could admit it wasn't either of their faults. It's the way they went about it that hurt the most. I felt like my life had been stolen from me. A life that was supposed to be me and Sam, married with kids. The whole happily ever after bullshit you grow up dreaming about. But now, after everything, he wasn't the person I once thought he was. Maybe he never had been. He was cold and manipulative. He had proved throughout this whole mess that he'd stab you in the back if it benefitted himself.

He and Paul had grown close. I guess that shouldn't be too shocking, considering. Those two were always together. Of course no one else in the pack would talk to them. Embry, Quil and Seth were tight with one another; each felt guilt over their parts in what happened to Bella. They had been her friends before the imprint was known. They had ignored the years of friendship and sided with Paul… their brother. No questions asked. They believed him even when he had never done anything to deserve their trust.

Bella had been right, nothing mattered except the pack. She had learned what I'd always known. I still didn't like her, but I did feel bad for what happened. She didn't deserve that.

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><p><strong>Beta<strong>: Feebes (Hearts You)

Thank you for being so patient for the update. It's been a rough few months and I had this chapter _thisclose_ to being finished and one mis-click of the mouse and I lost every word... Yeah, it was painful. Thank you to my dear friend and wonderful writer Dragonfly76 for talking me off the ledge.

Check out: American Wolf in Forks by Feebes. It's fantastic!

Firefly by Dragonfly. It will make you smile.


	10. Chapter 10 Pieces of Me

**CH.10 Pieces**

If you believe it's in my soul

I'd say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I'm trying to let you know

That I'm better off on my own

_**Pieces- Sum41**_

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><p><strong>Charlie's Pov<strong>

Billy had always kept secrets. I knew they had to do with the tribe so I had never pushed the issue. When I married Sue and both Leah and Seth became my step children, I had been entrusted with their legends. There really had been no other choice. At first I was in denial, but seeing your step- kid's step-kids phase into giant wolves, puts the real in reality.

I had felt important, like I was a part of everything. But, I had been wrong; there was one more secret, one more unspoken truth I needed to discover. As I listened to my daughter tell her story and then watched as she pulled out of the motel parking lot, I learned the most guarded tribal secret of all.

My daughter and I were and would always be pale faced outsiders. That truth was harder to swallow than watching boys turn into wolves.

That had been six months ago. A lot can change in half a year. I went back to Sue; but we both knew it would never be the same. I had the time desperately trying to get Bella to speak to me. But I understood why she was reluctant. With those thoughts bouncing inside my head, I pulled into the driveway of the house that was no longer felt like my home.

I shut the engine of the cruiser off, and readied myself to go inside. I dreaded walking into the house. My wife waited on the other side of the door. A wife I loved but didn't trust. I'd been down this road before. My boots were heavy on the wood deck as I climbed the porch steps. I took a deep breath, and walked through the front door. I hung my gun belt up and headed toward the bedroom to change out of my uniform. _Routine was good_, I thought.

"Charlie…" Sue called my name. I looked up at her. I stared at her for a long minute before continuing to the bedroom. I could feel her following after me, and knew we were going to have another 'talk'.

Bella had finally called me this morning, and for a second I thought she was coming around. I hadn't meant to, but I had led the pack and specifically Paul right to her. It had been an accident. I hadn't thought about the sensitive ears listening as I tried to talk to her. I never paused to think they would chase after her. I had been wrong… again. It was hard to know I was part of the reason Bella had been forced to leave the home she'd made for herself.

"Charlie, please talk to me," Sue begged as she sat on our bed.

I looked stared at my wife with the same look I often give my junior deputies. "What would you like me to say? You and this damned tribe helped destroy the relationship I had with my daughter and now; now that motherfucker has tracked her down." I yelled, trying to get myself under some kind of control. "No, Sue, there isn't anything to talk about." I grabbed my clothes and walked into the bathroom to change, slamming the door behind me.

**Bella's Pov**

It had all been too much. After that first phone call, Paul called day and night. I knew it was only a matter of time before I opened my front door one day to see him standing there.

It had been a whirlwind from the moment I informed my supervisors of my plans. My Lt. had been incredible. He had taken me under his wing when I first showed up in his office. I'd had to prove myself to him and the rest of the crew, but once I did, he made it clear that no one was to mess with me. He had treated me like a daughter at a time when I really needed a 'dad.'

He made a few calls on my behalf, reaching a friend he'd gone through the academy with who also made a few phone calls. I was luckier than most that found themselves' moving at a moment's notice. I had a job and a small rental waiting for me. Although, thinking about where I was headed, I wasn't sure that I would still feel so lucky when I arrived at my new destination.

I looked around my empty apartment and sighed. I hated leaving. I loved my job and the people I worked with. Lifting the last of the boxes, I headed toward the front door. I sat the box on the stoop, locked the door and left the key in the mail slot. I let my mind drift to the events that had brought me here. _Love_, I snorted. I wasn't a fan. I took one last look at what had been my first home as a real grown up. I turned and walked toward my car.

_Don't look back, _I told myself.

I turned onto I-80, _Laramie_, here I come. It felt like I'd been driving for an eternity. Endless miles of highway stretched out before me. Sounds like a thought.

What the hell was I going to do in 'God's Country'? I I hoped Laramie offered such extravagances as Starbucks, or I was in trouble. I drove for as long as my tired body and sleepy eyes allowed, before pulling into a roadside motel. It looked like the motel from Psycho, but it would have to do. I was too tired to go another mile. After holding my breath to ward off the stench coming from the motel clerk, I checked in and headed to my room with my overnight back slung across my shoulder. Stepping into the room, relief flooded me at the sight of the bed. I didn't' care if I was on Hitchcock's' movie set, I needed sleep.

I pulled my toiletries out of my bag, along with the towel I'd learned to always pack. I turned on the shower and did a happy dance that this roach-coach motel had awesome water pressure. I washed my hair, my body and quickly got out. My eyes were trying to close even as the water pounded against my skin. I dried off, slipped on an old t-shirt and a pair of sweats and climbed under the covers.

I woke to the sunlight shining through the threadbare curtains of my room. I must have fallen asleep the second my head hit the pillow. I let my eyes adjust and then slowly sat up. I was in no rush, but I did need to get myself together and back on the road. I slipped my nightclothes off, folded and repacked them in my bag. I dressed and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I walked to the sink, brushed my teeth and packed away my toiletries. I grabbed my bag, walked to the front desk and turned in my key.

I slid behind the wheel and pulled out onto the highway in search of the nearest coffee shop. I needed caffeine to get through the rest of this drive. One drive-through latte later and I was on the road. The country side was beautiful and the sun shining down definitely made me feel more at ease with my decision to pick up and move to a place I'd never been before.

The closer I got to my final destination, the more nervous I became. I would have to start all over. A new house, a new job with people I didn't know. I was excited, and scared at the same time. I had never been big on surprises and how this was all going to work out was definitely going to be a surprise.

I pulled onto a dirt road and drove the 3.2 miles the GPS instructed. I stopped my truck and stared. I double checked the address I'd written down and shook my head. I just knew Lt. Davis was waiting by his phone for me to call. I also knew he'd be laughing his ass off.

Not five feet in front of me was a huge gate and above the decorative iron horses read… '_Riddle Dude Ranch_'. The thought of me, Bella Swan, living on a dude ranch was funny, even to me. I laughed out loud in the cab of my truck and eased my foot on the gas pedal. There was no sense in turning around; I had nowhere else to go.

I drove another two miles up a long driveway and pulled up in front of a huge white house. It reminded me of a house that would have been featured in one of the western movies Charlie used to like watching. There was a large pond to the right, with a gazebo and dock. The barn that was easily three times the size of the house was on the left. Pastures surrounded me on all sides. It was beautiful, I had to admit.

I don't didn't know how long I sat in my truck staring at my surroundings when there was a tap on my window. How I had missed seeing the couple walk out of the house and right up next to me, I h had no idea. I quickly opened the door and stepped out. I assumed the couple was were Mr. and Mrs. Riddel. He was about 6'2, and had the build of a man who worked hard. He had salt and pepper hair and looked much younger than the forty something I knew he was. His wife (I assumed) was about my height, with shoulder length blonde hair and bright green eyes. They were both smiling at me.

Mr. Riddel stepped forward, his hand outstretched toward me, "You must be Bella. It's good to meet you Darlin."

"It's very nice to meet you as well, Mr. Riddel. Thank you for everything." I told him, sincerely appreciative of the phone calls and the rental house.

"They'll be none of that. Call me Jim and this here is my wife Laura," he introduced.

"It's lovely to meet you Bella. We're so happy we could help you out and I'm thrilled to have another female around," she stage whispered with a smile.

My nerves were slowly disappearing with each passing second. The Riddels were so friendly; they instantly put you at ease.

"Bella, I've just finished dinner. How about we eat supper and afterwards, Jim can help you get settled in over at the stables." Laura said as she looped her arm with mine and ushered me toward their home.

I didn't want to ask, but the stables did not sound like any place I wanted to be getting settled into. "I… uh, don't want to intrude," I stuttered not sure of what to do.

"Nonsense, I made plenty." Laura assured me as she opened the front door. "And we converted the old stables into a couple rental units, it's just habit to refer to it as the stables," she chuckled having seen the look of horror cross my face, that I tried to hide.

I gave a nervous laugh, "That would be nice, thank you."

I had never been interested in decorating before, but stepping through the front door of the Riddels' home made me rethink my hobbies… or lack of. Their home was beautiful. It wasn't fancy like the Cullen's home had been and it wasn't as lived in as the house in Phoenix that I had shared with Renee, but I loved it the second I took it in. The house was done in earth tones and dark wood and I knew someday I wanted a house just like it.

"Your home is beautiful," I told Laura and meant every word.

"Thank you, it's been in my family for generations. It keeps getting overhauled," she smiled at me as we entered the kitchen that was filled with the smell of home cooking. It had been years since I had eaten a meal that I didn't have to cook. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ridiculously excited about sitting down to eat without being tired from preparing everything.

I wondered if they would just adopt me as I took my first bite of Laura's fried chicken. It was delicious and I hoped she would give me her recipe. Dinner and conversation flowed as if I had known them all my life. I couldn't remember a time I had ever felt so at home.

_The future definitely was looking up_, I thought as I took a sip of my iced tea.

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><p><strong>Beta:<strong>Feebes

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><p><strong>***Check out Blue Bird by Meliz875! This fic has quickly become one of my all time favorite stories. It's an EmbryBella pairing and worth every second of reading time.**

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>The operating system on my laptop crashed taking with it all my files. I am having them extracted (hopefully) but updates to **ALL** stories will definitely be stalled. Please be patient while I recover the lost chapters. As always thank you so much for your reviews and support.

XXOO

MP


	11. Chapter 11 Trouble

_A spider web, it's tangled up with me_

_And I lost my head_

_The thought of all the stupid things I said_

_A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle_

_Oh I turned to run_

_The thought of all the stupid things I've done_

_And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble_

**_Trouble by Coldplay_**

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><p><strong>CH.11 Trouble<strong>

**Jake's Pov**

Everything was such a fucking mess. Embry, Quil and Seth wouldn't speak to me. They refused to follow orders only complying with Sam's Alpha commands, because they didn't have a choice.

Leah's anger toward Sam, Emily and imprinting had resurged with a vengeance. Any progress that had been made on that front over the years was quickly dead and buried. She had always hated Bella, holding her responsible for the Cullen's being here and triggering her phasing into a wolf. She was pissed that this whole thing made her feel sympathetic toward her new stepsister. Which of course further fueled her hate toward Sam and Emily in general.

Paul and Sam were as close as brothers. No one else wanted anything to do with them. Emily and Kim clung to each other, and Jared was still MIA.

Then there was Charlie. I felt bad for him. His relationship with Bella was ruined, not that it had been great to begin with, but now it was non existent. He was miserable with Sue and refused to speak to Dad. Yeah, fucking mess didn't even come close to describing the disaster that was our lives.

Walking along First Beach I tried to remember a time when everything wasn't laced in anger, betrayal and hurt. It had been a long fucking time ago.

Further down the sand was the driftwood log Bella and I had once claimed as our own. I could remember sitting with her, dreaming about her being mine. Hoping and praying that she would fall in love with me as I had her.

It had been simple back then, even if I hadn't known it at the time. It's funny what time and perspective will teach you.

The closer my steps took me to the log, the more clear the memories became. Some I wished I could forget, others I hoped to remember on my deathbed.

I stood in front of the old driftwood letting the past assault me.

**_~ PW ~_**

_I hated knowing that I was causing Bella pain, I hated hearing her broken voice through the phone line, but an Alpha Order must be obeyed. When I phased, Sam gave me the command to stay away from her. I was pissed, but I had seen what he had accidentally done to Emily. I didn't want to hurt Bella. But I knew my disappearing was hurting her._

_I was asleep when I heard the yelling start. I was going to ignore it, I was just so fucking tired, but then I heard her. Bella..._

_She was confronting Sam and the pack, and I instantly feared for her if Paul lost his temper... again. I shot out of bed and ran towards the back yard where Bella and the pack were. I barely made it in time. Paul had phased and was crouched ready to attack._

_I wanted to kill him._

_I phased and tackled him. We rolled into the forest biting at each other and snarling our hate. All I could see was his intention to hurt my Bella. When Sam finally pried us apart with the timber of his Alpha voice, we cleaned up, dressed and walked to his and Emily's house. Jared and Embry had taken Bella there until Sam could explain what had happened._

_I walked in, lingered in the doorway and watched her. She was beautifully awkward and shy. God, how I had loved her. She turned toward me, and I stared at her, willing my wolf to imprint._

_He didn't._

**_~ PW ~_**

I hadn't known that day, that Bella had already been imprinted on. None of us knew, not even Sam. It was months before Paul admitted he had imprinted on Bella the second his eyes met hers.

I shook my head and raised my face toward the sky. The damp air curled my hair at the back of my neck. I sat down on the driftwood log, looked out toward the choppy water and tried to figure out how it had all gone so wrong.

Paul had treated Bella like shit. Whenever she was around he'd made sure to call her names. Leech lover had been a favorite. He would snarl the insult at her each time she walked into the same room as him. He did everything he could to scare her. He got off on it. I fought with him, Embry and Quil fought with him and when Seth phased, he fought... but nothing ever changed.

Bella would come to the res. Paul would call her names or regale her with his prowess as a man-whore. Then I would fawn all over her and completely ignore her attempts to bypass my advances. Emily would chat happily with her and Kim as the three of them prepared meals for the pack. Seth would practically sit at her feet and wag his tail. It was normal, for us.

When it finally came out that Paul had imprinted on Bella, I had attacked him, again. He didn't deserve her. I knew he was going to hurt her. I tried to reason with her. I told her that the imprint didn't matter, that I would fight for her. I begged her to see how much I loved her, how much she could love me back, if she'd just try.

My words fell on deaf ears.

Bella forgave him. She accepted his apology as if he'd never done anything wrong. She told me they were going to start new. She explained that they would start as friends and see what happened.

I had been so pissed, I had nearly phased.

I hated Paul for imprinting on her and I hated her for accepting the imprint. I knew she'd never be mine. Once an imprint was accepted, it was a done deal. Everyone knew it.

I stopped talking to her, stopped returning her calls. I ignored her at pack gatherings. It was too painful to watch Paul, of all people, get to love her, touch her and be with her.

She had been happy. They had been happy together.

The day Sam knocked on my door asking to speak to me about tribal business, I had no idea the shit storm that was about to reign down on us. I sure as hell had no idea it would take three years for it to appear over our heads.

When Sam finished telling me what had happened, part of me was thrilled to know I'd been right all along. I knew it was shitty to feel that way, but I couldn't help it. I had tried to warn her, to tell her, to make her understand that I was the better choice. Anyone was better than Paul.

The other part of myself, the part that had once been Bella's best friend knew she was going to be hurt. Thinking back, I suppose that's why Sam told me in the first place. I think he hoped my history with Bella would make her more likely to comply with his demands.

I followed my Alpha and the Alpha's Mate to Forks. I stood on her doorstep with Sam, Emily and the bastard himself. I remained quiet as Sam and Emily attempted to guilt her into keeping silent. Sam's voice grew louder, stronger with every word he spoke until the timber of his Alpha voice leaked through. It wasn't a command, but it was as close to an Alpha Order as he could give an imprint.

I stayed mute while Paul pleaded for forgiveness... again. I said nothing when her eyes met mine, begging me to be the friend I had once been.

When silence fell upon all of us, Bella met each of our eyes. She looked worse than she had in the image I had seen of Sam carrying her out of the forest after Cullen abandoned her.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized being right didn't mean a damn thing.

The pack were fed a story fabricated by Sam, per the Elders request. They sided with Paul without knowing the true story. Sam had given me an Alpha order not to think or talk about what had really happened. I felt like shit. I knew I was wrong not to say anything or to stand by her, but my hands were tied at that point.

It didn't take Bella long to realize that not only had we all turned our backs on her, but the Elders had orchestrated the lies. She left shortly after. No one, except Charlie, had seen or heard from her until she showed up for the wedding.

I smelled her the second she stepped into the council building. We all did. I could hear Sam and Paul muttering about making sure that she didn't talk about 'the incident'. At the same time Paul was plotting ways to win her back.

_Bastard!_

After the ceremony, everyone gathered for the reception. Bella was sitting at the bar, looking more beautiful than she'd ever been. I walked toward her, shocked to smell she was drinking liquor. She'd never been much of a drinker.

I didn't know what to say. I mean how do you fix such an epic fuck up? I could feel the lump in my throat and when I finally spoke it came out harsh. "You're not going to talk to any of us?" I had asked.

I saw her shoulders stiffen ever so slightly, "Jake..."

I hadn't felt this nervous since I lost my virginity to Jenny Cope. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and took a deep breath. "It's been a long time, Bells..."

"Not long enough," her voice spit. "Excuse me," she said as she stood up, stepped past me and walked through the crowd.

Thinking about everything that had happened over the years, I knew I had been wrong. I used to put all the blame on the myths and magic, but I knew better now. I was older, wiser too.

At least I hoped I was.

It hadn't been all vampires, wolves and imprinting. No, we had each played a part in this mess. Us, the men we are, not just the wolves we became. I knew that now.

With that final thought, I stood, inhaled the salt and sea scent of First Beach and began walking toward what had always been my destiny.

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><p><strong>Beta:<strong> Feebes86

Thank you to Ast for helping with song choice

Don't forget to vote in The Fandom Choice Awards at (www)dot fandomchoiceawards dot com


	12. Chapter 12 I'm Moving On

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons_

_Finally content with a past I regret_

_I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness_

_For once I'm at peace with myself_

_I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long_

_I'm movin' on_

_**I'm Moving On by: Rascal Flatts**_

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><p><strong>CH.12 I'm moving on<strong>

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><p><strong>Previously:<strong>

_It hadn't been all vampires, wolves and imprinting. No, we had each played a part in this mess. Us, the men we are, not just the wolves we became. I knew that now._

_With that final thought, I stood, inhaled the salt and sea scent of First Beach and began walking toward what had always been my destiny._

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><p><strong>Jacob's Pov<strong>

Asserting my birthright as Alpha had been one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make. Sam had been angry. For as many times as he had said he would gladly hand over the position of Alpha when I was ready, I don't think he ever thought the day would come.

The elders, including my father, were torn. They were proud, as the role of Alpha was by tradition and blood, held by a member of the Black family. But they knew their ability to rule and govern over the pack would end with me taking my rightful position.

I shook my head as the first of my pack arrived for our weekly meeting. I sat beside my father as each one walked into the council building. First, Leah and Seth arrived, followed by Embry and Quil. Paul and Sam were the last to take their seats.

While everyone situated themselves, I took a few minutes to go over what I wanted to achieve in this meeting. I had officially been the Alpha for three months. It had taken the entire time to get the pack to listen to me. Now, I wanted to make changes. I readied myself for the fight I knew would ignite once I outlined my plans.

I looked out at the faces of the men and Leah. I'd grown up with each of them. They were my friends, my family in all the ways that mattered. Yet, the events that led to this point would forever shadow those familial ties.

I stood up, ensuring I had everyone's attention. "I want to start this meeting with the announcement of my Beta," I informed everyone.

"Son, a Uley has always stood beside the Alpha." Dad told me.

"Yes, I am aware." I looked at him, held his gaze until he understood I would not let them lead me the way they had led Sam.

I shifted so that I could look straight at the pack before me. "If we've learned anything... and I hope we have, then we know we need to make changes to the way we work as a pack. This includes how we think, how we watch and how we protect those around us." I paused allowing them to really hear what I was saying.

I settled my eyes on the one member I felt was the best pack mate to handle the position, "With that in mind, my choice for Beta is, Leah Clearwater." I knew the second I made the announcement there would be protest.

"WHAT?" Old Quil shouted above the murmurs of the pack.

I knew that old fool would be the most vocal. I turned to look at him, making sure to show my determination in my eyes and waited while his coloring returned to normal, "Leah is fast, she's strategic. She is a lethal fighter. And she will not let her personal feelings or emotions sway her in making tough choices. She's the right choice, and as Alpha... IT. IS. MY. CHOICE."

**Leah's Pov**

_Holy Shit!_

I could hear the pack murmuring. After Old Quil shut up, he huddled with the rest of the elders, whispering and talking about me as if I weren't sitting right in front of them.

"Jake, Son... maybe we should discuss this," Billy whispered.

"Are you or any of the council members a member of this pack?" Jake asked, quirking his brow.

Billy's face showed his agitation, "Jacob..."

"I am the Alpha, the choice of Beta is mine to make. I honestly don't give a shit if you like it or not. But you will respect it." Jacob ordered, the double timber of his command echoed through the room.

"Leah, do you accept?" He asked ignoring the looks from council as well as Sam.

Seth nudged my shoulder, "Say something."

I sealed my fate with one word, "Yes."

Sam jumped to his feet, "Now you wait one damn minute..."

"You will remember who is ALpha," Jake threatened.

The elders were in an uproar. Old Quil shouting while Billy tried to reason with Jake. My mom sat silent, not saying a word. That hurt more than the protest from the others.

"Enough!" Jake's face had hardened, leaving no doubt who was the true Alpha. "The reason this pack works as individuals and not a unit is in largely in part, due to being led by revenge, jealousy and deceit. We will not be that pack again." His words silenced the room.

"Mistakes have been made. We will forever pay for those. This is the beginning of a new pack in La Push. One with new goals, new ideals and we will work together. We will be strong and we will NOT bow to old men who live their boyhood fantasies through us. We will NOT lead with vindictive beliefs. And we will NOT betray our own."

Sam stormed out without a word. "Anyone else want to leave? Anyone else want to question my authority?" His voice rattled the windows.

"Good, now let's move on..." Jake sat down, looked at each of us and for the first time I saw a future of possibility. The man, not the boy, who had let a crush lead him astray, stared at us. Maybe, just maybe, we would all come out of this as better people.

**Bella's Pov**

Wyoming had proven to be the best thing that happened to me. I was eternally thankful for the home and the friends I had found here. WIth Jim and Laura I had found a place to belong.

I would never have thought of myself as a cowboy lovin' kind of girl. But this place with it's open sky and miles of pasture land, had grown on me. I was convinced there was nothing more beautiful than looking out of my window and seeing the horses gallop across the field.

Sipping my coffee, I watched as the first ray of sun came out from hiding. The sky was a pale pink and the barn stood stoic in shadow against the backdrop of the dimly lit dawn. It was breathtaking.

I finished my coffee, stood in front of the sink and rinsed my cup out. Walking into my bedroom, I could see the dress I'd worn last night on my date with Evan. He was a great guy. Smart, handsome and successful, but I sensed that he was more interested in 'dating' than I was. I had decided to end it before I unintentionally hurt him. He didn't deserve that. Sighing, I pulled out my favorite pair of blue jeans and a green sweater and clumsily made my way into the bathroom for a shower. I needed to get myself ready before Laura arrived.

I had just finished drying my hair when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," I yelled.

"Good Morning, Bella," Laura chirped.

I just shook my head. That woman was perky twenty-four hours a day. I had no idea how she managed to always have a genuine smile on her face.

"Would you like some coffee?" I offered, pouring myself another cup.

"No thank you. I've drank about a pot all by myself this morning," she laughed. "Alright, let me look at you."

I stood trying not to giggle as Laura inspected me. She even walked around me, with her pointer finger on her chin as if she were deep in thought. "Something's missing," she decided, clucking her tongue.

"Hey!" I defended myself. "I wedged myself in these too tight jeans you insisted I buy. And..." I lifted my foot in the air. "I'm wearing boots!"

"Here," she teased handing me a box she seemed to pull from thin air. I quirked my brow, took the box and lifted the lid. Inside was a black cowboy hat. It was beautiful, even if I had no idea why I thought a hat was pretty. I stepped toward Laura, who had become a dear friend, wrapped my arms around her and whispered my thanks.

"I'll make a rancher out of you, yet," she teased, plucking the hat from my hands and plopping in onto my head. "Ok, you ready to head out?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I almost groaned.

I grabbed my bag and keys, locked the door and walked with Laura to her truck. I still wasn't sure how she'd managed to talk me into this. We had an hour and a half drive ahead of us and I knew she was going to grill me on Evan.

We loaded our bags and the horse gear into the trailer and set off for Wheatland. We'd been on the road for all of ten minutes before I heard her hmmmm from the driver's side.

"Sooo... what happened with Evan? And don't tell me nothing. You were home from your date before ten, last night." she said glancing in my direction.

"I broke up with him," I admitted.

She tsked me, "What? Why? He was a nice guy."

"I know. He just seemed more invested than me. It wouldn't be fair to string him along," I told her.

"Bella, you deserve to be happy." She frequently told me I needed to open myself up to the possibility of love.

"Yeah, well when the right guy comes along," I repeated my go-to answer.

Thankfully she dropped the subject. Laura was incredibly perceptive. She turned the radio on to a cheesy 80's rock station and we sang along at the top of our lungs as we drove down the highway.

The traffic became bumper to bumper. Trucks pulling trailers. Horse and cattle corrals and I would never admit it... at least not out loud, but I was excited. As we entered the gate, Laura looked over at me with a huge grin. "You ready for your first rodeo, Bella?"

We followed the directions and drove until we found Laura and Jim's designated parking area. Laura backed the truck up to just a foot in front of the provided horse stalls. Jim came out from the side, carrying reigns and as soon as he saw me hop out of the cab, a huge grin lit up his face. "Why Miss Bella you look like a genuine cowgirl," he chuckled.

I just laughed. Jim and Laura were one of a kind. I knew I was lucky to have found them. I tipped my hat at him like I'd seen him do too many times to count and in a bad exaggerated accent said, "Well shucks..."

Both he and Laura cracked up. Jim put his arm around Laura and then looped his arm through mine and walked us over to where he had set up a table with chairs. "Ladies, are you ready?" He asked.

The three of us walked toward the arena. My excitement grew stronger with each step. I was fascinated by everything going on around me. Horses were being brushed and saddled. People of all kinds were milling around. I'm pretty sure the Marlboro man walked by. I felt like I was in a movie. I was enjoying every second of it.

"Here he is," Jim announced. "Laura, honey, this is the new farm hand I hired..."

I looked up and gasped, "Jared?"

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><p><strong>Beta: The always Awesome Feebes<strong>


	13. Chapter 13 A Little Bit Stronger

**Beta: Feebes- I heats you!**

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><p><em>Doesn't happen overnight, but you turn around and a months gone by,<em>

_and you realize you haven't cried._

_I'm not giving you an hour, a second or another minute longer._

_I'm busy getting stronger._

_Even on my weakest days..._

_I get a little bit stronger._

_**A little bit stronger: Sara Evans**_

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><p><strong>CH.13 A Little Bit Stronger<strong>

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><p><strong>Jared's Pov<strong>

The shock resonated on Bella's face as she stared at me. I watched as a myriad of emotions passed through her eyes. She jerked her head from side to side. She looked past me, then turned, looking behind her. "Did you bring him here?" she accused.

"No one knows where I am," my words hung in the air.

Bella studied me, reading the truth of my words in my eyes. "You left?" It was a question, but she knew the answer.

I heard a throat clear from beside me. "Bella, are you okay?" Jim's wife asked. She looked concerned and I was unexpectedly glad Bella had found people that were worried about her.

"Yeah... I'm okay," Bella said, not moving her eyes from me. I glanced behind Bella to see Jim and his wife looking slightly unsure of what to do. "We'll be at the stalls on the East side of the arena. Bella, honey, call if you need us," Jim took his wife's hand and led her away.

Five minutes passed in silence as Bella and I stood face to face. "It's been a year," I told her, unsure of why I was confessing.

Bella eyed me with the same authoritative look I'd seen Charlie Swan wear from time to time. Bella had always been easy to read, but the woman who stood in front of me wasn't the girl I remembered. Hell, she wasn't even the same girl I'd shared a bottle of Jack with in her hotel room.

"A year?" she quirked her brow.

"Yeah, I... I just couldn't..."

Bella held her hand up, "Believe me, I know." she said with a small smile. "How are you?"

"At first, it was hard." I admitted. It had hurt. The ache increased the farther I fled from La Push and from Kim. The distance had brought on pain I'd never known existed before. The first few months had been the worse. But as time passed it became easier, it hurt less, until one day I woke up and could breathe without feeling as though my lungs were being squeezed in a vice.

I realized I was just standing there blank faced as I thought about the last year. I shook my head and looked back to Bella who was waiting patiently for me to continue. "It took months to feel like I could get through the day without curling up into a ball." She nodded in understanding. I knew she had gone through the same thing. Well not exactly since she was the imprintee and not the imprinter but close enough.

"If I had stayed, I would have forgiven her." I knew my words were the truth. It's how it worked.

"Yes, you would have," Bella agreed. "It gets easier."

"It has," I smiled. "But, I guess you know all about that huh?" I asked, remembering her forgiveness of Paul's early treatment of her.

"Yeah, I do," she laughed. It sounded like the laugh of a woman who had lived a hundred years.

"And now?" she hedged.

We walked as we talked. "Once you phase you have to be so guarded. What you say, what you do, everything has to be monitored so you don't accidentally give away the secret. It's just easier to be around the pack. I miss my mom and dad, my brother Ben. I feel like I lost out on a lot of family time in order to keep the other side of myself a secret. I also miss the pack. I thought they were my family. But, even with all that, I'm ok." I told her and I was. I realized as Bella nodded her head in understanding that I didn't need to explain. She knew. She had lived the same life as I had.

I hadn't realized how much I had needed to talk about things, until I heard myself pouring out my inner most thoughts to Bella.

"What about the pull?" She asked as we came to a booth selling funnel cakes.

"Here," I retrieved a ten dollar bill from my wallet and paid for her treat. As we walked further into the crowd, I started answering her question, "At first, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to stand it. It was almost like I could feel her calling me back. But, every time my resolve weakened, I would close my eyes and see Paul's arm around her. I'd picture what you must have witnessed. That kept me from going back."

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. We continued to walk around, Bella eating her funnel cake and me lost in thought.

While it hurt to think of Kim, it wasn't because I missed her or wanted to go back. I would never be able to trust her after her betrayal. The pull had disappeared with the changing seasons. It was the life I had planned that I mourned. The wedding and marriage, the kids I'd dreamed of. It was what could have been that made me sad.

"What about you?" I wondered how she had dealt with everything. In a lot of ways, I thought she'd had it worse than me.

"When I saw them... I literally felt my heart shatter. I could feel everything break apart in that moment. All the plans for our future. The house we talked about building, the children we already loved. All of it was gone in an instant." She paused, stopped in her steps and looked up at me. "It hurt worse than being left on the damp forest floor."

I didn't have anything to say to that.

"It was hard in the beginning. There were times, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to stay away. The imprint works both ways, you know," she gave me a half smile when I looked down at her. "When I was with Edward, I always felt inferior. After he left and I finally rejoined the world around me, I promised myself, I would never let anyone make me feel less again. Seeing Paul with Kim.. just hours after..." the rest of her sentence hung in the air, unspoken. Shaking her head, she looked me in the eyes and continued, "Sam and Emily showed up at Charlie's and told me I had to forgive him and that I couldn't let anyone else know what had happened. Jake stood there silent while his Alpha attempted to coerce me into keeping quiet. The three of them... it was the ultimate betrayal. In that moment, I felt like I wasn't good enough, not for Paul, not for the pack, not for anyone. As if somehow it was my fault that Paul had cheated on me. When, Sam and Emily demanded I get over it and move on, it was just another slap in the face. It felt like proof that I wasn't good enough. Jake's refusal to say anything on my behalf, was the final straw. I knew I couldn't stay, so I left."

Neither of us said anything as we continued to walk through the crowds. "You want a drink?" I asked, pointing to the beer tent that was lit up with white twinkle lights. "After you," I gestured toward one of the empty tables.

"I'll take a Corona," she told me, sitting down.

I walked to the window, ordered and paid. Making my way back to Bella, I sat down across from her, slid her requested drink across the table and watched as she took a long pull from the bottle. She sat the bottle down and looked at me then waved her hand from herself to me, then fluttered her arm around, "This is almost crazier then the whole shapeshifter/vampire thing," she snorted.

I couldn't help but laugh. Of all the places in the world, I found myself at a rodeo in Wyoming with Bella Swan. I wasn't sure _coincidence_ was the right word. Nodding my head in agreement, I replied, "I was thinking the same thing."

After our chuckles subsided, silence reigned upon us. Admittedly, I didn't know Bella all that well. With Paul having been my best friend, and Bella his imprint, we were just beginning to feel out the possibilities of friendship when she fled Forks.

I finished my beer and looked up to find Bella once again staring at me. "How did you end up here?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

Bella looked contemplative, before shrugging her shoulders, "How does anyone end up anywhere?" she countered.

I held her gaze. I was honestly curious how she had ended up in no man's land.

"When I left Forks... for good, I moved to California. I finished school, found a job I loved and an apartment that I was proud of. I even managed to gain a small group of friends," she sighed wistfully. "I was still living there when I went to Charlie's wedding."

"What happened?"

"Paul happened," she held my eyes with hers. "He found out where I was and began calling. At first, it was once a day, then it was twice a day until the phone began ringing all day. I finally had to unplug it. "She told me. "Then the letters started. "I knew it was only a matter of time before he showed up."

I wasn't sure what to think.

"I was never the girl that dreamed of her wedding and named children that didn't exist. But, with Paul I realized there was a part of me that really did want all those things. For that, I will always be thankful to him. But, I want more than just the husband and kids. I want a faithful husband, I refuse to settle for anything less. Even if Paul never betrayed me again, I would always remember what it felt like to see him with another woman. I would always wonder what he was doing when he wasn't with me. I don't want to live like that, I've been there and done that."

She really was never going to go back. My respect for the former leech lover skyrocketed. Bella had grown up.

I understood. I wanted the same things.

"You've come along way from that girl on the forest floor," I told her, thinking back to the scared, broken teenager Sam had carried out from the cover of the trees all those years ago.

"Yeah, I have." She smiled.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella Swan," I grinned and held my hand out as if I were meeting a stranger and in some ways it felt as if I were.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>It's been forever since I updated and this is a short chapter, I know. However, no matter how much I tried to make it longer, it just didn't work.

The next update will not take as long as this one did. Thank you to everyone who sent messages of encouragement and for your patience.

I'm truly grateful!


	14. Chapter 14

This isn't a chapter and for that I apologize. I am working on the chapter as I am working on chapters for my other WIP stories as well.

This year has been difficult. Between the stress of everyday real life, I have also suffered a back injury. It's painful and it's limiting. Along with that there is a long list of things that have caused issues with my ability to update.

As a FF writer I have been extremely blessed to gain a following for which I am humbled and very grateful. But as any FF writer will tell you with the positive comments/reviews/PM's come the negative the critical and the mean. I've never called any one particular reviewer out because for the most part I take what is written with a grain of salt, however there are two reviews that have come to me recently that need to be addressed and since both have disallowed PM's (very convenient) this is my response.

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><p>M 811/13 . chapter 13

"The next update will not take as long as this one did" your words exactly! well you need to hurry up and update if you want to stary ture to that promise! its already been three months... its a biy ridiculous that you would have only update this fanfic 3 times in the year if you keep it up at this rate - if that! Maybe you should think about giving this up for adoption if you can't find the time to write or even have writters block because there are plenty of people out there who are willing to adopt fanfics! or maybe you should think about finishing of one story before you start another one becase you are being very neglectful of your stories!

**M-** You are so right. I did say that I would update sooner, and I had every intention of doing so, however there are times when things get in the way, such as real life issues and no matter how much I love to write, real life trumps all else, every single time.

Giving up my story as you suggested... NO! I don't need to explain further than that.

Neglecting my stories... I suppose you could see it that way, or you could think to yourself that possibly... just maybe something in the writers real life happened and prevented an update.

Let me remind you that you are reading for FREE! If you would prefer to get your entertainment from a more reliable source, by all means... please do so. In fact, I think I would prefer if you did. Because mean spirited reviews like yours are why so many FF writers pull stories and leave the fandom.

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><p>Guest123 913/13 . chapter 13

where is the update? you've been updating 'His girl' a lot more than this fanfiction. well i guess that now that his girl is finished you're going to start a new fanfic without completing the ones you already have and have been neglecting for a very long time. i am very dissapointed in your lack of interset in your own story.

**Guest123- **The update is being written, albeit slowly. I wanted to correct you on something, 'His Girl' is NOT completed and to put your concerns at ease, I have no intention of starting another fanfic now or in the foreseeable future. I hate to hear that you are disappointed in what you believe is my lack of interest in my own story..., but perhaps if you had sent me a private message or even openly asked why I had not updated, I would have gladly told you that I am very much invested/interested and enjoy writing my stories, but that an injury coupled with several other things had thus far prevented me from updating in a timely manner. Please remember that you read fanfiction for FREE. You are able to stop reading my story(s) at any time.

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><p>I'm aware I may offend some with this AN, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm great with critical reviews, I take those and try to make myself a better storyteller but it's incredibly frustrating and disheartening when someone sends you something that is only meant to be rude and mean.<p>

For those of you who have been supportive and encouraging... Thank You!

Ya'll are the reason that after spending an hour in physical therapy today, (which was extremely painful) that I didn't pull every single word I've written from ff and say 'fuck it' after reading the above mentioned reviews. I love writing and am so grateful that anyone wants to read what I write. Your kind words are more appreciated than you could ever know. For you all, I will do my best to get my stories updated and completed.

Iamtwilightobsessed-MP


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